Human society is built on it. Community thrives in its presence. It takes years to earn and seconds to destroy.
Trust, the topic of an interesting discussion that made me think a lot after. What is trust? Why do I not trust? Who can I trust? Here are some semi-organized thoughts originating from a rainy Friday morning with good food and great company (and nice utensils, I might add).
Disclaimer: I am, by no means, an expert on this topic. The reason I want to write about it is so I can understand trust more, and trust better. But first, a picture of the beach I went to this weekend 😊 (there were people, just not in the picture).
Anna Maria Island
I love definitions, and the first one on Merriam-Webster’s dictionary is “(noun) assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” As a verb, to trust is “to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of, or to place confidence in.”
So there are two forces at play: the one that does the trusting and the other that is being trusted. Trust exists between two entities. And there are a lot of factors that contribute to the trustworthiness of someone or something: character, which is tested over time, as is ability and strength. Truth can be verified against… facts? (Also, what is the difference between truth and facts? Probably a discussion for another day.)
Another part of trust is reliance and confidence. Synonyms that come to mind include dependence and responsibility. I personally associate these words with peace. A peace of mind knowing that I can be confident in another person, that they are responsible and dependable. So then, who would I trust? (The definition says that we can trust in something, but trust in things only goes so far. Stuff breaks, wears out, disappears, is flat out taken away, or destroyed. Unreliable. Cannot be trusted.)
Trust in Self
I wrote earlier that trust happens between two entities, but what if they are the same? Is it possible to trust in yourself?
I think so. I rely on my ability to cook to keep myself alive. I have much less confidence in my ability to find my way through the woods at night. I have strengths and skills that I believe are fairly consistent: I can play music, follow instructions, and drive a car.
But there are plenty of instances where I can’t trust myself. I make poor decisions. I misjudge other people’s motivations. I have questionable character. I’m not always honest, even with myself. My feelings and my thoughts have led me to do things I regret.
But I’m a perfectionist, and I want everything in my control to be right. The only problem is that I’m not perfect, and am not wholly trustworthy.
So if I can’t really trust myself, can I trust other people? Short answer is no. Just look at the number of people who go outside without masks, argue that racism doesn’t exist, or show up late to meet-ups. Reliable character? Highly questionable.
But I grew up very trusting of others, believing in the good intentions, character, and truthfulness in people I met. Some people said I was naïve, others called it innocence. Gullible works too.
Then I read Animal Farm by George Orwell in middle school, and it angered me. The book is an allegory of the Russian Revolution, and the lies, deceit, betrayal, and abuse portrayed in the novella appalled me. While most of the characters are animals, they represented people and their dark and ugly dispositions especially when given power. I almost couldn’t believe that people would take advantage of other’s trust, and consequently be so untrustworthy.
But life happens, and I guess the older one gets, the more one experiences. I learned that I could not trust everyone all the time (duh!). While I still want to believe the best in others, it is difficult for me to approach my relationships (friends, family, professional, etc.) without a hint of skepticism. I am slow to open up and have a hard time being vulnerable. I ask a lot of questions, prying others open before I barely crack. I have an insatiable desire to know whether someone is trustworthy.
If you know me well, you are probably aware of my little Googling obsession. I run Google searches on people for fun and try to dig out as much information as possible from the internet. Call me a stalker, creeper, whatever you want. I acknowledge that this is a questionable hobby.
Why do I do it? I’m not really sure. Maybe it’s my subconscious desire to be a detective/FBI agent. What I do know is that knowledge is power. I don’t care about power in the traditional sense. I don’t need to be the pigs in Animal Farm and rule over the others. But having knowledge may help prevent me from getting taken advantage of. Knowledge gives me a sense of certainty and security. Knowing more about someone means less ambiguity, unknowns, and all the scary things that come with being in the dark.
Yes, life is full of curveballs and plot twists. People are unpredictable; we are not robots and cannot be modeled with equations. But the more you know, the more you can piece together who s/he is and discover patterns in his/her behavior that help you anticipate what s/he would do in a specific situation. All this to say, I do my best to minimize being blindsided in life.
I can go on and on about trusting others in life. Something that happened this past week involved my housemate’s best friend and her housemate, and the issues of trust between the two of them. They disagreed about proper levels of social distancing and were not honest with each other about many things, which resulted in a lot of drama, tension, and stress. Obviously, there was more than distrust (they were also not on the same page with communication and understanding of Covid), but we do not have to go into details.
People are not perfect, and that makes it difficult to trust. But it doesn’t mean that we (read: I) should not trust others. Trust is built, and unfortunately broken often, but there’s grace, forgiveness, and second chances (hopefully) in the process.
Trust in God
If you asked me to finish a sentence that started “Trust…” this is how I would complete it:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”
- Proverbs 3:5-6
These are some of my favorite verses in the Bible. It gives me the assurance that I’m not supposed to trust my own intellect and feelings, no matter how smart or clever I think I am. I am commanded to trust in God and acknowledge Him in all that I do. He is the one who knows everything, is steadfast and unchanging, perfect and good. And He promises to make straight my paths, if I trust in Him.
It’s clear that God ought to be the one directing my steps. He should be the One that I turn to before every decision. Sometimes His rules and boundaries don’t make sense to me and my little mind. I’ll argue that it’s unfair and I’m missing out, but the truth is that life is unfair. Also, God knows what He’s doing and I do not (and what I should not have always seems more attractive because it’s off limits). After all, God created the universe and all the laws that govern it. If anyone knows what is good and bad for me, what is right and wrong about the world, God would. And He is the one who deserves all of my trust.
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