Alive and Growing

Half of my team was in Orlando this week! My supervisor Ryan was here for meetings, and Kelsey came to receive training in UserTesting. It was really fun to have them around in person, and we got Chic-Fil-A and frozen yogurt for team bonding. We even got some in-person vision-casting, where Ryan talked about how to make bring more students to a place where Cru gives them value. This was taken after we talked about vision stuff.

Marketing and Yogurt

Field ministry has been cool, too! This week, we reconnected with a lady from the Japan pavilion, and we got her number. She only has one more month in the US, but hopefully we can share God’s love and truth with her in the coming weeks! And look who I met on the way~

 It's Goofy!

Also I wanted to give my supervisor a shoutout: Ryan is very invested in my growth. Earlier this year, I told him I wanted to work on being a better communicator, and he sent me stuff in the mail! These charts are for effective listening and speaking. Hopefully I’ll be able to read the workbook and share what I’ve learned with all of you 😊

Learning to Speak and Listen

I also bought my tickets home for thanksgiving this week! Looking forward to being back on the West Coast in November.

Life Lesson

This week, I had a lesson in bonding. It's the first concept presented in the book, “Changes that Heal” by Henry Cloud. Here is the quote, and my week of bonding.

“When we are in a loving relationship,

 a bonded relationship, we are alive and growing. 

When we are isolated, we are slowly dying.”

It has been a good week for me, with part of my team being here and being able to go home for Thanksgiving, and even possibly serving on the worship team at Nona Church. But because many interns are still grieving that one of the interns has left, I felt like it was not appropriate to talk about the great things that were happening in my life. I felt alone in my excitement and joy.

So there I was Friday morning, confronted with my loneliness, when it felt like the people who cared most about me were the furthest away. I went up to the prayer center on the fourth floor of my building trying to press  but ended up crying for an hour. God reminded me of what I had been reading in the book, about the fact that we are by nature, relational creatures that need relationships with others. So I hesitantly made a Google calendar meeting with my intern coordinator, Ann. I wrote:

“I feel really alone today and I wanted to reach out. I’m sorry for the short notice and totally understand if you’re not available or in the office this afternoon.”

She responded: “Hi Anne-

Just saw your email/calendar invite. I tried to find you around the office...I would love to hear how you are doing. Come by my desk at the time you suggested.”

Yikes. Now I have to be needy and tell her that I wish things were better, that I wish I was more connected. After talking with Ann, she urged me to share how I was feeling with my roommates. More bonding. But that’s what happens when you listen to God, right? He tells you to take one small step of faith, then the next, then the next. None are comfortable, but it’s part of the growing process.

So I sent a message in our apartment group message: “ Hi roomies. In light of working on my communication skills, I wanted to reach out and share something with you. Would it be possible to have roommate time before Aftyn’s party tomorrow [Saturday]?”

Got positive responses, which was good. But then Saturday morning came around, and I really didn’t want to see any of them before I talked. Finally at 10am, I dragged myself out to the living room and sat on the couch. We made small talk for awhile before Jennifer asked me, “Are you OK?”

I shared, and it created a very special space where we got to share where each of us was in the grieving process. Moral of the story: Taking the step of risk is scary, but worth it! Bonding makes us alive and grow. 

And then we went to Disney to celebrate Aftyn’s birthday!! It was fun to spend the day with her and the other interns. After all, how many people get to spend their birthdays at Disney?? What was even more special was that the Japanese lady we met during field ministry was working and made her a birthday bookmark, which she is holding in the picture below.

"I'm Celebrating Aftyn's Bday"

That is mostly all. We're making bread and pop tarts this afternoon. They may or may not appear in the next blogpost. In the meantime, enjoy this view of Florida. Have a blessed Sunday! I pray that you are all bonded - alive and growing. 

Mixed Bag

When you think life has settled down, the unexpected happens. Not that this week was bad. It’s been a great week. Work is picking up, and I get to do some meaningful work, which has been exciting. But it's been like a partly cloudy day, full of sunshine one moment, then cloudy and gray the next. I'm still trying to sort through all that has happened.

Partly Cloudy 

This week, I was assigned to update the Epic Movement (Asian American ministry of Cru) website. Because of Cru’s multiethnic ministries do not have their own operations teams, which means there isn’t someone assigned to keep the movement’s online presence updated. While it was tedious going through each page and clicking on every single link, it was also meaningful and fulfilling, knowing that people will be able to find the right information and get connected to an Epic Movement on their campuses. Also, it’s extra special to be working on the Asian American ministry website, because it hits so close to home 😊

And my supervisor is coming to Orlando tomorrow! I'm looking forward to seeing him in person.

People from home came to visit me this week! Uncle Paul, Kyle, and Joey are production staff at River of Life Christian Church, and they came to Orlando to attend the WFX conference, and they visited me Thursday evening! We ate dinner at Pig Floyd, then visited Summit Church. After the Thursday night service, we got a tour of all the tech that the church uses for its services. It was so cool to see all the equipment that makes the sounds and sights of a church service come alive. Of course, it was fun to have conversations in Chinglish – just like at home.

Visitors

I also got lunch with Lauro, the worship pastor at Nona Church on Friday! It was really cool to get to know him and hear all about the things that Nona Church is doing, and the ways it is growing and ministering to the Lake Nona community. I’m SUPER EXCITED to have the opportunity to possibly serve on the worship team!  Lauro sent me the audition material and the two songs are “King of my Heart” and “Living Hope,” both of which are very close to my heart 💕 The possibility of having music back into my life has given me permission to listen to Classical music again. Not that I’ll be playing any classical piano in the near future, but I'm slowly allowing myself to enjoy the things that were integral parts of my identity back home. Perhaps life in Orlando does not have to be as foreign as I imagined.  Either way, I’m looking forward to bringing my gifts to the kingdom! 

So that’s all the sunshine. The sad news is that one of the interns was released from Cru Thursday evening. All the interns received an email at 9pm, and the intern messaged our group 20 minutes later, apologizing for the unexpected turn of events and assuring us that he loves us all very much. Then he left the chat. None of us saw it coming; we were all blind-sided. We had eaten at Red Robin the night before for National Cheeseburger Day, and the next day he was gone. It has been, and still is, hard for our community. Going through the grieving process would be very accurate.

But a few beautiful things have come out of this incident! We are definitely getting closer, and it’s been cool to see how we’ve come together to support one another in this. Everyone has been a joy, and I have to say that we’ve reached new depth in our community. We had a worship night together, and I got to make dinner for everyone and made a very special dessert: California strawberries dipped in Ghirardelli chocolate (from San Francisco). 

A Homey Dessert

So it has been a week with a very mixed bag of feelings. I've definitely hit the highs and lows during my time here. For the first time in Orlando, I laughed so hard that I cried, and I shared the pains of a friend being ripped out of our community. But this is all part of the growing process, and I am grateful. 

And thank you for all your prayers and love, and supporting me on this journey. For those starting school again this week, I pray that you'll experience God's abundant and exciting plan for you in the coming school year 😊

Race

No, not the rat race. Or a competition. It’s not the verb. It’s the last set of definitions on Merriam Webster’s dictionary. It’s probably more often used as words like racism or racist, and it’s been the theme of this week.

Before I came to Orlando, I almost never thought about race. Sure, my family is Taiwanese, which is not the same as being Chinese, but that’s not race. It’s just cultural differences, which is already a lot to navigate.

Here in Orlando, I’m confronted with race head on. There are not a lot of Asian Americans, and Cru talks about Oneness and Diversity a lot. Every conversation I have had with a person of minority ends up being about ethnicity and culture. My roommate, Keren, is a project manager for R&D in multiethnic ministries. She’s Mexican American and I’m Asian American, and we’re two of three non-white female interns in our cohort. The statistics work out similar to Cru’s staff demographics: only about 20% of Cru staff is minority.

Obviously minority doesn’t exclusively relate to racial minority. Minorities can exist in categories such as gender and age, as well as religion. But the minority that is most obviously present every day in life is what you see: our hair and skin color.

~

On Tuesday, the interns had dinner at the Smith’s, the couple serving as directors of Oneness and Diversity at Cru. The African-American couple grew up in Tennessee and openly spoke about the challenges and struggles they experienced as minority serving in a majority culture organization. (If you don’t know, Cru was established in 1951 by Bill Bright, a Caucasian male.) Systemic things in Cru exist that keep minorities from joining staff. For example the support-raising process is a big hurdle that weeds out many minorities who struggle with debt or come from communities that cannot support them financially. There was a lot to think about and chew on. 

At the end of the night, one of the interns asked what she, as part of the majority culture, can do to engage. The Smiths answered awareness and advocacy: revealing the problem and giving voices to those who may be marginalized or excluded. 

That’s a great answer. But Keren and I had a heated discussion as we drove back to our apartment. Don’t worry, we were not arguing with one another. We were voicing our frustration at the question. Sure, white people can research and learn more about mass incarceration, read books about cultural differences, but if that doesn’t change the way you treat people who look different, what does that do? We felt like a lot of the conversations that we’ve had with fellow interns have been about culture. They ask broad sweeping questions about the difference between Hispanics and Latinos, or Chinese customs and societal norms (like I would know). But in their attempt to learn, I feel used. I feel like a means to an end, like a tutor educating people about my heritage. But do you even know me? Do you know what makes me laugh? What I care about? It's great that you’re trying to understand the background in which I grew up in, but what’s the point if you’re not using that knowledge to understand and love me as a person?

~

During lunch on Thursday, I went to a beta-testing session for Culture Cards that Keren's team is working on. They are called “I am From” cards, designed to facilitate cultural conversations in five categories: ancestry, growing up, family expectations, cultural experiences, and cultural values. They were really cool and made me reflect on my upbringing in ways I've never done before. One aspect about cultural experiences made me really think. Was I supposed to talk about American culture, Asian culture, or Asian American culture? These are concepts that I’ve never thought of before and am currently wrestling with.

Also how does the place we are raised inform our values? America is full of narratives of freedom, success through hard work, individualism, the “American dream.” But rooted in her birth is also deep-seeded racism, segregation, and self-sufficiency. Yes, we learn about these in history classes, but we hear the narratives of the privileged and powerful, and that is the story that the majority white culture wants to tell. Nevertheless, the unspoken prejudices rear its ugly head, even in the American church. Edgar was right; segregation in American churches points to our nation’s dark, unconfronted past. He recognized racism in America before I was ever aware of it.

~

But I know it’s a privilege for me to wrestle with the concepts of diversity, culture, and unity. I have the opportunity to ask myself questions I never had to answer in California. What does it mean to be an Asian American in a predominantly majority culture organization that’s bringing the gospel to people all over the world? How does the unique ways God created me allow me to be an effective ambassador for His kingdom? These are questions I do not yet have answers to.

On a related note, Song and I got to share and celebrate our culture with the other interns yesterday! It was the Mid-Autumn Festival, and we cooked dinner for 20 people and bought $45 worth of moon cakes to share. Song put together a presentation about the story behind the Mid-Autumn Festival, and we all went out to look at the moon and eat moon cakes together. Here are some pictures:

Some of the Food

Norm #5: We Eat Together

Streetlight Too Bright

Thanks for bearing with me as I try to navigate issues that others have dealt with all their lives. Feedback and stories are welcome! :) Have a blessed weekend. 

Adulting

Beautiful Sun & Clouds

On Saturday, I went to the Toyota dealership with Keren, who is trying to buy a used car. Wow, adulting is rough.

I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t even the one buying the car, and I was exhausted. Three different men tried very hard to sell vehicles out of her price range. They were all very persuasive in their own ways and made buying a car sound easy.  All I did was sit there, smile and nod, but in my head I kept thinking: why are you guys trying so hard, and making it so difficult? I know they make money off of commission, but it was kind of ridiculous. I was texting my dad the entire time about the cars and Keren called her parents multiple times throughout the process. We (haha, I mean she. I was only there for moral support) ended up not buying any of the cars, which was fine. I’m sure God has the perfect car for her, and it’s somewhere out there. That day, I gained deeper appreciation for how blessed I am to have for the decisions I do not have to make 😊

Too Many Choices

But this reminds me. Let’s talk about the way people talk out here. I know that I don’t enjoy hyperboles and exaggerations, but sometimes the way people talk here gets on my nerves. How can you have five best friends, three favourite books, and burn waffles with your bare hands? Yeah, I guess it can be funny, but I’m just not a fan. Best literally means “the most excellent, effective, or desirable.” Were we to graph excellence, you would see only one maxima. Unless you’re talking about the local maxima, which there can be several, but there’s still only one absolute maximum. It’s fine. But it’s not. I guess part of the growing process is to learn to live with people who express themselves differently.

Another part of adulting is finding a new church and community. In the past month, I’ve visited five different churches, hoping to find a good fit. This Sunday, I visited Nona Church, and there wasn’t anything crazy or mind-blowing about the church. Except for one line in the message.

Pastor Colin described church that shed new light. He said, “Church is not a restaurant. Church is a potluck. And you’re invited.”

I realized that in the past year of church-hopping, I’ve had the church as a restaurant mentality. I’ve been looking for a church that meets my needs, serves the dishes I enjoy, and has good customer service. But just like my mom told me, church is not all about looking for a place where I will get fed and satisfied. I need to be in a community where I can serve and bring the gifts and talents to contribute to the kingdom. Like a potluck. SO I felt convicted to help with Nona Church’s Fall Festival that afternoon, where I helped set up and cut out all the tattoos for the kids. Please pray for discernment as I find a local church to bring food to the kingdom potluck. 

This Would be Backwards

After work on Monday, a bunch of us interns went to Disney to hear Lauren Daigle sing at the Food & Wine Festival in Epcot. It’s technically free, but you’d have to first get into Disney, which is not free. To be honest, I was just along for the ride; I’m not a giant fan of Lauren Daigle, but I know a few of her songs, so I thought why not. Also, bragging rights. And I’m glad I went.

We saw her on September 9^th, which is also her birthday. She sang three concerts that evening, and we attended the last one at 8pm. I heard that Lauren always shared the gospel at her concerts, but since people are not allowed to proselytize on Disney grounds, she got creative with sharing Jesus.

Lauren Dressed as Minnie

She ended the concert with “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” and also clearly communicated through the music that her life was evidence of God’s work. She gave her audience a beautiful birthday present, which sounds kind of strange… people usually receive presents on their birthdays. But I think it makes sense. She did what she loves most (sing/make music) to the one she loves most (Jesus), and I think that is the best way to spend a birthday, while proclaiming the love of her Savior to a crowd of people! I would love to do something like that for my birthday. It’s like the Pianoguys, but next level, ya know?

UGH and can I talk about her relationship with her band??? THEY ARE FAMILY, and that’s the power of music. It was a timely reminder of what it means to belong. Belonging is not fitting in or pretending or shipping it. It’s about being vulnerable, getting uncomfortable, and being present with other people without sacrificing who we are (paraphrased from Brené Brown). Music is a space where it’s easy for me to belong, because you simply can’t pretend or “fit in.” It’s easy to be vulnerable, improvise uncomfortably, and be present. Those are all necessary components of music, because if you’re not present, you simply cannot play music with others. You’ll miss notes, and cues, and beats. And of course you can’t sacrifice who you are when playing music. You are there BECAUSE of the unique skills and talents you bring to the band/group/ensemble. You belong. I guess I’m still struggling with the question of whether or not I belong here, in Orlando, in the internship. Ann reminded me that transitions can take a long time, even longer than a year, and that’s OK.

That's a strange note to end on. Here's a picture before sunrise earlier this week. The sky here fascinates me.

Happy Wednesday!

Effective Communication

I wanted to write a hurricane reflection, but it felt like I was more busy during the hurricane than at work. Thank God, Hurricane Dorian spared much of Florida. But please pray for the Bahamas, where Dorian basically destroyed much of the islands. Here's a picture of the little bit of Dorian we experience.

A Much Calmer Dorian

Last week, I learned about Awareness Wheel. Ryan pitched it as a skill that travels to all areas of life, to all the relationships you’ll have (professional, friendships, marriage, etc.). I think he learned how to communicate with the awareness wheel from marriage counseling, and it is so special that I get to learn about it and practice it this coming year! Anyway, the Awareness Wheel has five petals: 1. Sensory data, 2) Thoughts, 3) Emotions, 4) Wants for (Self, Others, and Us), and 5) Actions (Past, Current, and Future). It’s always difficult to describe something visual with words, so here’s what it looks like:

The Wheel

I think the Awareness Wheel conversations always have to be prefaced; they’re usually serious? But it only works when both parties are aware that the Awareness Wheel is being used. The petals are used in order, but before you begin...

Step 0: Pray! This is probably the most important and most forgotten step in doing most things, at least for me. Pray for the Spirit to guide the conversation, and that each person can be patient and courageous in the communication process.

Step 1: The person who initiated the conversation (Person A) uses the first three petals of the wheel: sensory data, thoughts, and emotions. No interruptions from the listener (Person B). Talk about what you observed, your interpretations of those actions, and how it made you feel. It looks like a linear process from data -> thoughts -> emotions, but in reality, thoughts may trigger more sensory data, which may trigger emotions, which will elicit more thoughts… All this to say that our observations, thoughts, and emotions are not linear! Here’s a chart that helps identify different emotions we feel:

All the Emotions

When Person A finishes, Person B does NOT immediately respond to everything s/he has heard. The first response should be a question: “What else? Is there anything else you want to share?” This should continue until Person A responds with saying that s/he has nothing else to share.

Step 2: Person B summarizes back to Person A what s/he heard Person A say, and keeps trying until Person A is satisfied with the summary. This ensures that Person B understands what Person A tried to express and the two people have mutual understanding.

Step 3: Roles are reversed with steps 1 and 2: Person B talks while Person A listens attentively.

Step 4: When both people have shared to their hearts’ content, we move to the fourth petal: Wants for self, others, and us. NOTE: just because we express our wants doesn’t mean that they should happen. Mad snaps to that. But it helps to know the other person’s expectations, realistic or not.

Step 5: Talk about Actions: Past, Current, and Future. How do we move forward in the relationship with the new awareness we have gained from this conversation? Ryan reminded us that future actions should not just be a lack of conflict, but harmony. It’s like the Hebrew “shalom": our goal is not an absence of bad things like struggle and disagreement, but a presence of wholeness, prosperity, and harmony. I think it was at this point that Ryan mentioned Classical music, because everything fits together so beautifully, just like the way things are intended to be. I pray that my relationships will be just beautiful <3 And ugh I miss making music. 

Other Fun Things

Thanks to Hurricane Dorian, we got Tuesday and Wednesday off of work. It’s only the second week and we had a five-day weekend and two-day work week. I know, it was pretty backwards. Over break, we went to Disney twice! And we played lots of games, made food together, and watched some movies. Here are some highlights of our hurrication:

 Ticket to Ride 

Epcot Food & Wine Festival

I Baked! Bread Pudding

Also, one of the interns, Laura, got engaged over the weekend when she went home! We threw a surprise party when she got back yesterday after work, and she shared all the pictures of the engagement process. So cute 😍

Laura Got Engaged!

Laura also started this painting and was going to give it to her now fiancé as an anniversary gift in March (yes, six months ago). So far, I have spent 4.5 hrs working on it. Hopefully it will be finished soon!  

What a Commitment