I Am From

People love to be known and understood. When we introduce ourselves to others, we often share our name and our occupation first. We try to place ourselves the best way we can to be understood. In the short amount of time that we have with the new person, we want to be able to answer the question,“Who am I?” 

"I am From" poems help us to begin thinking and seeing ourselves in a relational way. Rather than identifying ourselves by our occupation or location, "I am From" poems help us write our story in regard to our roots and our experiences. It can reveal where we are from, what culture(s) we come from, and also  how we relate to self, others, and God. The only rule is to make the beginning of every expression “I am from…” 

This is the original introduction to "I am From" poems. During summer mission, each member of our team wrote and shared his/her "I am From" poem with each other, allowing a little window for one another to peek into the past, and the influences that have shaped one another. 

"I am From" poems are not static; in fact, they can change as we learn more about ourselves and the stories that make us who we are today. Even so, I want to share my "I am From" poem. Some lines are more metaphorical and artistic than others, but if you have any questions, ask me! In the meantime, enjoy :) 

I Am From

I am from a politically controversial island, proud to be independent and longing to be acknowledged
I am from a hush-hush escape and mysterious family ties; a tight-knit sisterhood and generations of prayer warriors (and amazing cooks)
I am from mathematicians and engineers, prideful problem-solvers who don’t ask for help from man or manuals
I am from a lonely traveler, speaking many tongues but saying very little, weary of the worries of the world
I am from a responsible, high-strung student; sharp and blunt like a knife, wanderlust and hungry for a lost childhood
I am from blood bonds stronger than past pains, unspoken love marrying undying devotion;

I am from a quiet cul-de-sac amidst drought-resistant lawns and Google self-driving cars
I am from cats: copycat, curious cat, and the ones with a big red bow and a big white pouch
I am from “感謝主” [gan xie zhu] and “For God so loved the world”
I am from an open-minded palette, narrow-minded taste, and close-minded morals
I am from fist fights to verbal attacks to mutual respect to intentional depth
I am from open eyes and ears attentive to “來幫忙！” [lai bang mang], but mouth closed since “小孩不是人” [xiao hai bu shi ren]
I am from Sunday school, piano lessons, Awana, Bible Study Fellowship, and VBS
I am from dread of a dormant volcano: anxious of silent tension that gives way to sudden, unexpected explosions
I am from confusion and shame and pride in my mother tongue and heritage
I am from a frugal home that saves food, saves money, saves face — “不要浪費” [bu yao lang fei]
I am from late nights at church stacking chairs, only to return early the next day to cook rice
I am from hard work, discipline, excellence, conformity, and a belief in unlimited potential
I am from conservative Christian values and traditional Eastern ideals battling liberal, Western education
I am from suffocating under my “Yes”  
I am from endless math worksheets that evolved into rainbow tassels from application and art
I am from familiar faces in unexpected places to longing for familiarity in new environments;

I am from answered prayers that gave me child-like faith
I am from being scared to be alone in the dark but having Light within 
I am from leaving out of fear to leaving out of faith
I am from a Master who generously gives many talents as I wrestle not to bury or boast about them
I am from a head full of promises, slowly making their way down to my heart
I am from Martha’s personality practicing to be like Mary
I am from a doubting heart questioning the goodness of and freedom in His laws 
I am from a Father who lavishly showers me with grace and love, and gently leads me to still waters
I am from a restless soul searching the world for my place, only to find that home is simply in His presence
I am from a Savior who endured shame, humiliation, and death so I can live with confidence and hope
I am from a past molded by an intimate, infinite Creator God, who continues to hold me and shape me for His glory;

June 2021 Update (Final Prayer Letter)

 Hi everyone!

It is bittersweet to write my final prayer letter to you all. Endings are never fun, but as I close this chapter of my time with Cru, I am so thankful that you’ve accompanied me on this journey these past two years!

Answered Prayers

I said goodbye to our summer mission team a week ago, and there were a lot of tears! As I look back on a whirlwind of a month, I am in awe of what God did in and through our team. Last month, I asked for prayer for two things: 

1. For spiritual and gospel conversations between the US and Japanese students
2. For energy and love for our summer mission team as we remain flexible and dive deep into community, and wisdom in discipling the students

Praise God for answering both of these prayers, and more! This summer, our team initiated 189 conversations, had 35 spiritual conversations, and gave 7 gospel presentations. These numbers include numerous conversations with the Japanese students (via text and video) as well as with the local community in Little Tokyo through street evangelism.

 God also abundantly provided us with energy and love for each other. From 2am one-on-ones to group games, our team engaged intentionally with each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. We truly became like a family – we cooked together, pranked each other, even crammed everyone into a sedan (yes, all 13 of us…), in addition to engaging communally in the Word every day and doing ministry together. Through “I am From” poems, students told their stories with vulnerability and dove deep into community as they shared their fears and struggles with each other. I am thankful for your prayers, and how the Lord answers above and beyond what we ask or imagine.  

Our summer mission team

Full Circle

During one of our last trainings, I had the privilege of leading the students through the Faith Step Tool. It is a new tool my marketing team designed earlier this year, and its purpose is to guide students to discern their next best steps of faith in light of the gifts/resources, communities, and opportunities God has given them. It was so cool to be a part of the design / feedback process of the tool, and then see it in action! 

After the training, I sat with the girls I discipled and heard them share their next faith steps. It was encouraging to see their visions, from intentionally connecting with freshman and seniors in their movement to sharing resources with their church back home. I pray that they will continue to take these steps of faith throughout the summer and into the new semester!

~~

And I'm back in the Bay Area. If you are around, I would love to connect! My personal email and phone number are listed below, and I would be happy to catch up in person as you feel comfortable. If you are elsewhere in the world, let’s take advantage of technology and Zoom/FaceTime/call :) 

I am deeply grateful for your prayers and support; you have been an integral part of ministry these past two years. I pray that, 

“The Lord bless you and keep you;

the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

- Numbers 6:24-26

May 2021 Update

 Hi Everyone!

I'm back in California, and it's good to be home where there are mountains (although it's quite dry and chilly for my Florida-acclimated body). My family explored Yosemite the first weekend I was back, and it's amazing to see landscape that gives perspective to verses like Psalm 18:2,

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,

    my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,

    my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

See the grand and majestic views below! 

Summer Mission

We are finishing our second week of summer mission! Our team is comprised of four staff and nine students, and we've been working together in Los Angeles. Check out our students' group picture below!

Why LA? Originally, this summer mission was a trip to Japan, but due to present circumstances, we rerouted our trip. While we are not able to meet Japanese students in person, we are connecting with them virtually, as well as serving the local Japanese-American community. This has been a big shift from working from home, but it has been great doing life and ministry with them.

This week, the students joined a few Zoom English classes from the University of Kyoto. They facilitated English classes with about fifty students, chatted with them more in breakout rooms, and got their contact information to connect more outside of class.

Remi, one of the Japanese students, emailed the professor saying how much she enjoyed the classes: 

"At first, I was so nervous because I did not have confidence whether my English was transmitted and whether can I understand what they said. But when I told them “I have a hearing disability so please talk me widely lips and a bit slowly”, they did reassuring reaction, and they talked me like easy to understand or typed what they told when I could not understand it. I am so thankful these and could enjoy so much."

Praise God for the energy and excitement of both groups of students from these initial interactions! Please pray that, despite time zones and language/cultural differences, the students would be able to continue deeper relationships and share God's love in their words and actions with the Japanese students in the coming weeks.

And this is our staff team — Sasaki, Tiff, and Teddy! We plan opportunities for students to engage more deeply with Japanese culture and guide them on their spiritual journeys. It has been really fun working with them and seeing their hearts for the students, as well as experiencing their open communication and fun personalities as we tackle unexpected problems together.  It's crazy to think that we only met two weeks ago — it feels like we've been a team for so much longer :) 

But hanging out with a group of students, staying flexible through changes, and leading trainings are all new things that take a lot of mental and emotional capacity. It is a stretching experience, but I'm thankful for opportunities to share what I've learned the past two years in Orlando. I've had the privilege to lead two trainings on Vulnerability and Healthy Conflict Resolution, and I pray that the students this summer will be able to grow in intentional love for each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Post-Cru Plans

In the midst of this hectic summer mission, I wanted to update you all on my plans after Cru! I recently accepted a job with ESM Prep, an academic mentoring company that focuses on college counseling, test prep, and tutoring. 

God has been so good through the interview process, and I am very excited to use my passions for education and student development to be a light in this new environment. Thank you all for your faithful prayers through this discernment process!

Thank you for your prayer and support, and allowing me to end my time in Cru with this new experience of directly pouring into college students. 

Much love,

Anne

April 2021 Update

[I skipped March 2021 oops. This was sent on May 1st, which is why it says May in the first line] 

Hi Everyone!

Can you believe it's already May?? So much is happening so fast! If you only read this section, here's what I want you to know:

• 5/7 (today): my family is visiting Orlando
• 5/13: I return to California
• 5/22: I go on summer mission in LA

Please pray for discernment for my next steps! Keep reading for more details :) 

Stay in Touch, and See You Later

Leaving has always been my go-to defense mechanism. For as long as I remember, I habitually step away from difficult circumstances to avoid more conflict or hurt. I dislike hard feelings and situations, so I walk away from them. I’m conflict-averse, avoidantly attached, whatever you want to call it.

Now I’m leaving Cru, leaving Orlando. I’m not running away from conflict or escaping a bad situation; I am simply arriving at the end of my internship.

At first, I was in denial — afraid to tell my friends, community group, and worship leader. If I didn't tell anyone, I wouldn't actually be leaving, right? (Wrong) I was used to leaving things that were bad, so does leaving them mean they are bad? (No)

I learned that leaving doesn't always have to be a defense mechanism. Sometimes God calls us to leave good things, good people, and good places because of His loving plan. 

 The verse that comes to mind is one that spoke to me when I transitioned from high school to college: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

 Goodbyes are hard, and I’ve been doing a lot of that the past few weeks. But there is something sweet about meeting for the last time, reminiscing about the memories, and dreaming about future trips and visits. I've experienced a lot of closure and peace with the wonderful people I've connected with.

It's sad to leave the rhythms and routines I’ve established in Orlando and the people and places here. Thanks to technology (Zoom, FaceTime, phone calls), I can say, "Stay in touch, and see you later." Even though I don't know when I will visit Orlando, the people here are just a call away. 

The 2020-2021 Intern Cohort. What an unforgettable bunch!

Summer Assignment

I will be going on a summer mission with Cru from May 22 to June 24! Our vision is to reach Japanese students and serve the Japanese-American community in the Torrance area of Los Angeles. We will have nine students on this trip with us are excited to be doing a mix of in-person and virtual ministry. Please pray that people’s hearts will be open to having spiritual conversations, that there will be unity within the team, and that everything we do will glorify God and exemplify His love.

I am excited to share more in my update next month!

Next Steps

“Every season must end, so a new one can begin.”

As this season with Cru ends, a new one begins. So far, I have been accepted to a teaching program in Baltimore and am interviewing for an academic mentoring company in the Bay Area. I don't know what is next, but I am excited for the beginning of a new season. Please pray that I will have clarity and courage to take my next steps, wherever God leads me. 

Finally, thank you all for being a valuable part of this journey. The Lord has done so much, and I am beyond grateful for your prayers and support.

For those who support me financially, I will be sending a separate email on how to end your giving. 

Thank you for your prayer and support. It is such a blessing to journey through this season with you.

P.S. Here's a picture of my family walking around downtown Orlando's Lake Eola. So happy they're here :) 

Feb 2021 Update

Hi Everyone!

Can you believe that we've been living in a pandemic for a year now? I pray that you and your loved ones are healthy - not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. 

God at Work

The first National Virtual Winter Conference happened February 5-6! College students from Hawaii to Maine, Florida to Alaska, gathered together online to encounter Jesus. They connected virtually from their living room, dorm room, church building, parent’s basement, or backyard. God’s omnipresent character was at work, because we witnessed Him moving in powerful ways!

Over 6,200 students attended to understand and consider God’s Character, God’s Heart and God’s Call. The speakers shared about the grace and beauty of Jesus, spoke of the urgency of sharing the gospel with those around us, and challenged students to discover their place in God’s mission field. It was so encouraging to hear stories of how God worked through a virtual Winter Conference, and here are a couple that I want to share with you:

“I've had multiple friends on my heart that I've been praying for and desiring to share the gospel with. They're unbelievers... After attending the conference, I feel much more equipped and on-fire to share my faith and approach them in a conversation.” 

—Kellen, freshman

“Saturday night during one of the guest speaker’s talks, I heard an overwhelming voice (the type that makes you bow your head in wonder, sending chills throughout your body). I heard God say “Go…” It’s got something to do with me committing, not just my summer, but my life in service of the Great Commission. I have no earthly idea what that would look like, but I’m content with where God is leading despite the uncertainty.”

—Cade,  sophomore

Streaming Winter Conference all over the country!

Thank you for your faithful prayers and support! Because of your partnership, students like Cade and Kellen experienced God's calling and were challenged to boldly shared their faith through Winter Conference. 

Steps of Faith

It's crazy to think that I'm coming into the final stretch of my internship with Cru in Orlando. Only a few more months left!

Endings always put me in a reflective mood. As I look back on all that God has done, I am humbled by His goodness, love, and provision. 

While exploring Tampa a few weeks ago, I came across a Martin Luther King Jr. quote, shown above:

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." 

God has taught me a lot these past two years, and many lessons have surrounded my search for knowledge and control. But the more I grasp for stability and security in things apart from Him, the more He shows me that He is the only one who can satisfy my longing for peace, worth, and significance. 

I don't know where God's staircase will lead me in the months after May, but I know that the first step is to steward my remaining time in Orlando well, especially with the work and relationships He has graciously given. 

Thank you for your prayer and support. It is such a blessing to partner with you in reaching students for the Lord!

Thank you! See you next month!

 

Much love,

Anne

P.S. For those of you who are not on Instagram, I bake! Here are a couple things I made this month that I want to share with you, virtually :) Enjoy!

Jan 2021 Update

 Hi Everyone!

I hope you all had a great start February (what?!) 2021. January in Orlando is beautiful, and I wanted to share a couple pictures :) The sky and waters are still one of my favorite things here. 

Virtual Winter Conference!

In the past, Cru hosted Winter Conferences all over the US during Christmas break, where thousands of students gather in person to hear dynamic messages and worship together. Because of COVID, Cru will be hosting its first National Virtual Winter Conference this weekend, February 5-6. Students will pause and sit in the presence of Jesus, hear inspiring messages from God’s Word, join the body of Christ in passionate worship, and have a little fun! Even though this is nothing like a normal Winter Conference, I’m excited for the unexpected ways God will be moving throughout the event.

Since this event is virtual, you can also participate! Check out details on the website (that I helped build): https://winterconference.org/

 Praise God that over 5,000 college students have registered for Winter Conference! Because of your prayer and support, these students are able to hear the message of Christ and participate in this conference. Please pray that students will experience the Lord in new and intimate ways, no matter where they will be participating.

Lessons from a Labyrinth

As a Cru employee, I have the privilege of taking a half day with the Lord every month. For me, it’s typically an afternoon where I read Scripture, pray, and journal, sometimes by a lake or nature-y location. This month, a Cru staff named Jenny recommended spending time at San Pedro Center, a retreat destination half an hour away.

There is a labyrinth at San Pedro, and Jenny said it would be a good exercise to pray while walking to the center and back out again. It’s like following God’s will, she added. So I did. After all, I am in the process of figuring out God's plan for me after this internship ends in May. As I reflect on my prayer walk, here are some things I learned:

• Patience. I was about three-quarters of the way to the center when I threw my hands up in exasperation: “God, this is taking forever!!” I didn’t know that walking to the center could take so long. But perhaps through the journey, God is shaping my character, teaching me perseverance, patience, and humility.
• Progress. The labyrinth weaves in and out; I’d feel close to the center, but the path leads me away. At one point, I was very close to the starting spot, but I had been walking for awhile. Progress looks deceiving, and following God is not necessarily a straight path (ugh, why not).
• One step at a time. Even though I could see the entire labyrinth, it was too confusing to map out the windy path with my eyes. Instead, I focused on taking one step at a time, knowing that each step led me closer to the center. If I can trust the designer of the labyrinth to lead me to the center, how much more can I trust the Designer of my life to lead me in His plan for my life?

Even the sermon this weekend reminded me that God doesn’t show us the entire plan; rather, He reveals the next step to build our faith. I'm learning not to look for God's five year plan, but to live in His Spirit and strength day by day, one step at a time. 

What has God been teaching you lately? I'd love to hear how God is speaking to you!

Thank you for your prayer and support. It is a privilege to partner with you in reaching students for the Lord.

Dec 2020 Update

Hi Everyone!

Finally, 2020 is coming to an end. I smile reading what I wrote in my update email last December: “I can't wait to share what He does through us in 2020.”

Little did I know what God had in store for all of us. From the pandemic to social injustice to political discourse, 2020 has changed the way I see and experience life. And I hope it has changed you, too. But before I dive into some of the lessons God has taught me this year, here's a quick recap of the year! 

February 2020. Being a part of Preview Weekend reminded me of how far God brought me. By recounting His grace and provision in my own life to the students trying to discern His calling, I was convicted and challenged to “follow Jesus one yes at a time,” into a second year of serving at Cru. Yes, I can trust God with another year of my life. 

March 2020. Doing disaster relief in hurricane-torn Abaco Island opened my eyes to the overwhelming grief of loss and the steadfast strength of hope. I met people who genuinely echoed Job’s cry: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21) Upon returning, the two weeks of isolated quarantine challenged me to face my privilege and practice gratitude.

Summer 2020. While I didn't anticipate staying in Orlando, God abundantly provided for my second year. Once again, I was blown away by your support and generosity. God’s provision and care demonstrated His faithfulness and that He is my shepherd, and I lack nothing. (Psalm 23:1)

August 2020. Welcoming thirteen new interns to Orlando reminded me where I was a year ago, and what God has done. In the year post-college, He gave me a new church family, new friends, and new ways to serve the community around me. I'm excited to continue growing and doing life together with these brothers and sisters in 2021.

Fall 2020. With the challenges of online school, our team created digital strategies and tools that helped hundreds of Cru staff to reach college freshmen without meeting them in person. We brainstormed innovative ways to connect students to Christian community, equipped others to have spiritual conversations with friends virtually, and trained staff to do outreaches on Instagram, making an impact in ways we didn't anticipate!

December 2020. I made it back to California! Even though returning involved quarantining AGAIN, it is so good to be home. Being home has given me time to reflect on this roller coaster of a year. While so many things were so unexpected, these lyrics keep coming back to mind: “All my life You have been faithful. All my life You have been so, so good.”

2021. I’m much less excited and much more wary than usual about the New Year. Who knows what will happen next year? Although I have no idea what 2021 holds, I want to have a humble posture and attitude of gratitude.

“With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God.”

Lessons from 2020

Gratitude. From stable internet to caring friends to music, it is so easy for me to take the big and little things in life for granted. But God commands us to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18) I am so prone to complain and have needed countless reminders to be thankful, but I am so blessed to be doing ministry with the prayers and support of people like you.

Control. With all the changes in plans this year, I deeply experienced how much I am NOT in control. My life is more of a product of God's grace, provision, and mercy than of my own hard work, planning, and aptitude. As a result, I am learning to be more open-handed with the resources and time I've been given to steward, knowing that God is in control of the outcome, and I am not. 

Emotions. This devotional changed the way I viewed and related with my own feelings: my frustrations, joy, and disappointments are not to be idolized or suppressed, but brought before God in prayer. It is a slow and difficult journey, but I am practicing to share my emotions with others in a healthy and respectful way.

What has God taught you this year? I would love to hear of the subtle and obvious ways He has met you in the midst of this crazy year! 

Thank you for being an invaluable part of my 2020.

May you and your family experience the abundant peace of Christ in 2021!

Love,
Anne

Sept & Oct 2020 Updates

It has been a very long time since I've posted. And as my time in ministry comes to a close, I am a little sad that I didn't write more about my second year with Cru. To compensate for my lack of writing, I've decided to "publish" my monthly prayer letters from the past school year. Below are the updates I wrote for September and October 2020:

September 2020 

Hi everyone! 

I pray that you are all enjoying the cooler fall weather. Here in Orlando, we celebrate days when the high is 79 degrees (yesterday) :)  

Last month, I shared some digital strategy resources that our team developed for our leaders on campus to help them reach students virtually. Today, I want to tell you how these resources, along with your prayers, made a difference for college students!  

Join a Small Group... via Instagram  

Alan, a campus team leader at the University of Georgia, attended one of the trainings our team developed about effective digital ministry. As a result, Alan and his team decided to clean up the UGA Cru Instagram account and use it to reach new freshmen. They found an unofficial group for UGA freshmen and followed all 2400 students in the group. In return, 600 students followed them back. The team sent a survey about community, Cru, and relationship with God to those students, and 300 of them responded, giving their information to be contacted for small groups.

 

These freshmen were eager to be plugged into Christian communities! Because of the overwhelming response, the UGA team had to train more students to be small group leaders. Impatient, freshmen texted: “When will I find a small group?” Some small groups even had to split into smaller groups due to COVID restrictions because so many students showed up to those meetings! Alan said that this was the best response he had seen in his ten year at UGA.

Who knew you could find Christian community through social media? God did, and the pandemic has catalyzed the ministry to use innovative strategies to reach students without meeting them in person!  

Virtual Conferences: More Questions than Answers

A couple weeks ago, I helped update Cru's Winter Conference website. In addition to new design and graphics, the page announced that Winter Conference this year will be virtual. Instead of thousands of students from various universities gathering to worship and learn from speakers in a large hotel ballroom, students will participate online from Zoom. Meeting virtually will obviously be different from an in-person conference, so how do we create a special experience for students to meet the Lord?

 

Just yesterday, I participated in a meeting where we started planning a virtual Preview Weekend. Normally, college juniors and seniors would fly into Orlando in February, tour the office, meet with potential supervisors, and process the Lord's calling with interns and other students. A weekend rich in community, information, and experiences is now limited to a computer screen. What does it look like to cast vision, connect with students, and guide them on their journeys of following God – virtually?

We don't have all the answers, so I ask for your prayers as we continue to press into designing experiences to help students deepen their relationships with Jesus.

Thank you for your support and prayers. Because of your partnership, hundreds of students are being plugged into Christ-centered communities through online strategies!

 

October 2020

Hi Everyone! 

I hope you all enjoyed an extra hour of sleep and are excited to listen to Christmas music! :) Just kidding. But honestly, we should be celebrating Emmanuel, God with us, every day, right? 

Outdoor Worship Night

Early in October, I had the opportunity to help at an outdoor high school student worship night. About twenty-five students from several local high schools came, sang, and shared how they have experienced God during the pandemic. 

While at the event, I met a high schooler named Veronica, who joined Cru high school this year when she ran into students and staff prayer walking on her campus. While she doesn't know Jesus as her Savior yet, she felt like she needed God and has been faithfully attending all the large group meetings and events. She told me after the worship night that, even though she didn't recognize most of the songs we played, she felt a lot of peace hearing others worship the Lord.

I am always in awe of the way God uniquely and intimately pursues each person. Please pray for Veronica, that she would experience God's love for her and understand her need for Jesus. 

Embracing "And"

Last Sunday, my church here started a series titled “Triggered: Jesus, Politics, and the Church.” I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Pastor Collin’s preaching pleasantly surprised me. Instead of defending either candidate or pushing a specific agenda, he simply stated the reality of our culture and how we, the body of Christ, ought to respond. I hope the thoughts below can encourage you in the coming week, just as they have encouraged me.

Culture tells us that things and issues are either black or white, progressive or conservative, right or wrong, but the world is so much more complex and nuanced. In an “either/or” world, Jesus embraced “and": He came from the Father, and is full of grace and truth (John 1:14). Grace: unmerited love. Truth: unashamed honesty.

The Grace & Truth Graph

The chart above illustrates the different quadrants when we have varying levels of grace and truth. Truth without grace is condemnation. Grace without truth is enablement. A lack of truth and grace is passivity.

Personally, I find myself often in the passive and condemning quadrants. I am often afraid to be involved and quick to dismiss those who don’t hold the same views as me. But Jesus does not give me an excuse to back out of participation, or the right to judge others with my “truth." Through his interaction with the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11), Jesus beautifully balances grace and truth in a moment of tension and testing, extending forgiveness and also telling her to sin no more. In light of Jesus' example, I am challenged to lead with grace without leaving out the truth in my daily interactions.

If you're curious, I would love to connect and share more about what I’m learning, and how God has been challenging me to engage graciously and truthfully. In the coming days, I pray that we, as ambassadors of Christ, will balance grace and truth in our relationships, remembering that every person is an image bearer of God.   

My 2020 COVID Experience

27 Dec 2020

There’s no doubt that everyone on the planet has been affected by COVID-19 this year to varying degrees. Life is not the same as it was a year ago.

As 2020 comes to a close, I’ve wanted to reflect (as I am drawn to do at the end of each year), and I wanted to document my experience of COVID. This post is more for myself than anyone else, although I invite you to read about my experience. I want to be truthful about how I’ve experienced and handled COVID for the majority of the year, so here we go.

My COVID experience has 3 phases:

Phase 1: Detached Awareness

Song, an intern last year, went back to China for Chinese New Year. His family is from Beijing, and he worried constantly about the coronavirus when it was only a phenomenon in mainland China. While home, he told us about the lockdown, and how malls and businesses normally bustling and overwhelmingly chaotic during this season were hauntingly empty and quiet. No one wandered through the streets. There were no festivities. Restaurants were closed. It became so bad that Song had to change his flight so he could come to the US early.

When Song arrived, he had to self-isolate for two weeks. His housemates moved out of the apartment so he could quarantine. He missed one of the largest events of the internship – Preview Weekend – due to his fourteen-day self-isolation.

I couldn’t imagine being alone for two weeks as an extravert, so I delivered groceries to him and set up video calls with Song with a few other interns. During one of the video calls, Song said that it felt so strange that nothing felt different in the US. China and much of Asia/Europe were experiencing lockdowns, but everything felt normal here.

I would agree; for almost two months, I lived in blissful unawareness, as I scrolled through the news each morning, following international headlines about hospitals reaching capacity and overworked medical workers. In fact, I traveled all the way to the southernmost point of the contiguous US, Florida’s Key West, and flew off to my spring break trip to the Bahamas, painfully ignorant to the fact that everything would be turned upside down when I returned.

Phase 2: Resentfully Quarantined

(Part a) How I returned from the Bahamas is documented in this post. I was angry.

Two months later, the intern year ended, and I don’t know if I was mad at God or my circumstances. But it was probably a mix of both. It wasn’t that things were terrible, it was just not how I thought they would be. To summarize, I was isolated for two weeks, then kept from seeing the other interns for the rest of the year. We had a small gathering before everyone left in May, but it felt like two months of dragged out farewells.

(Part 2) Even though I was not able to go home for the summer, God provided housing for me in Orlando. It was a clear sign of God’s grace and provision, but my land-lady was high risk. I felt like a bird that flew from one cage into another.

While I am thankful for Kelly and her generosity, our deep and intentional conversations, and our friendship, living with her made me question everything I did. I felt guilty running to the grocery store for apples and bananas. I questioned myself doing picnic meals with friends outside of our “bubble.”

To cope, I went on long walks in the neighborhood while listening to podcasts: NPR’s “Code Switch,” Tim Keller’s “Gospel in Life,” and Adam Young’s “The Place We Find Ourselves.” Thankfully, Kelly’s boyfriend lived in the same house as Tony John, so I ended up spending a lot of time at their house the second half of the summer, either cooking or tutoring math. I learned that I enjoy a routine with variations. I get bored easily and yearn for a change of scenery. But only change that I can control, please.

Phase 3: Finding Balance

Once I moved into intern housing, all hell broke loose. At least that’s how some people would see it (I’m learning that life is all about perspective). I went to grocery stores. I went to Disney. I attended church in person. I ate at restaurants. Indoors. Freedom felt glorious. I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I had a break for being extra cautious for the sake of others. I know, this is very selfish thinking. But compassion fatigue is real.

Living in community with thirteen other interns meant we had conversations about COVID right from the get-go. We shared what everyone was comfortable doing and how we can watch out for each other’s needs during a pandemic. IT WAS MESSY. There was tension between the mask-wearing and non-mask-wearing, the cautious and careless, and collectivistic and individualistic mindsets. People used Bible verses and theology to support their positions. Let’s just say it’s difficult to reach a compromise when there are people all over the spectrum on a certain issue.

For those of you who are still horrified about the fact that I went to Disney, I will ease your conscience by describing the Disney experience. You had to reserve your visit to the parks before you go, with reservations Disney is a mostly outdoor park. Masks (not just neck gators) are required for all guests at all times, “unless you are eating or drinking while stationary, or you will be asked to leave.” Most of the lines for rides are outdoors until the very end, where you enter the ride. Some rides are outdoors. There are markings on the grounds six feet away to separate you from the party in front of you, although not everyone is good about staying away from each other. There is hand sanitizer before and after each ride, and rides are cleaned and sanitized frequently. Cast members wear face shields in addition to masks. To keep people from gathering, Disney cancelled all of its shows and parades. There are no more nightly fireworks or Lion King sing-alongs. And spontaneous character parades are only a few cars long. They appear unannounced so visitors do not gather along the sides of the roads. The bottom line is: Disney put a lot of thought and care into reopening its parks, and I don’t feel unsafe at Disney World.

I will say that Disney World gradually increased its capacity. I went to Disney 11 times between August 14th and December 14th, and there was a visible shift in the number of people at the parks. Except for the face masks and closure of most restaurants, COVID felt non-existent in Disney in December. And yes, it is possible to have fun during a pandemic. Here are some pictures to prove it:

Trip #1 (We Accidentally Matched)

Reunited Interns!

Colorful Winter Wall

Dinosaur Ride!

Lion King Sunset

A Short Parade

And yes, I ate at numerous restaurants indoors between August and December. That was definitely more risky than going to Disney, but I felt like I could handle the risk, so I did it anyway. 

I vividly remember the first time I ate indoors. I was with Tony John and another Cru staff, who had helped move several wooden dressers from one third floor apartment to another. We took a break and went to Bolay, a local fusion fast food place. I thought we were just taking it to go and eating at the apartments, but we stayed to eat instead. I was thrown off. Red flags flashed in my mind because I was still living with Kelly. Eating indoors was something we agreed was risky and something we would avoid. There were two other parties in the restaurant with their masks off (because they were eating), and I didn’t really know this other staff too well. What if I breathe in their air? Will I get COVID? I nervously glanced at Tony John but he seemed comfortable in that situation. He lived with Kelly’s boyfriend, so if he was doing this everywhere, Kelly was being exposed anyway. 

Looking back, I probably should have spoken up about how uncomfortable I was, and that eating indoors was a breach in my roommate norms with Kelly. But my people-pleasing tendencies and crave for freedom kept me silent. By God’s grace, Kelly is still healthy and alive, and none of us have COVID. 

There’s a lot more to my COVID experience that this, but these are my biggest confessions. There are no decisions that I massively regret, but here I am, almost two weeks home in California, and I tested negative for COVID. It is possible to take a few risks and still be safe. I know that’s up for debate. 

All the Baked Goods

15 December 2020

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that my stories now only consist of my baking and occasional birthday tributes. There’s one beach photo from this fall but that’s about it. But I also want to document my delectable creations, so here they are…

05 September. I made pineapple buns with Elizabeth! They grew really big, and the top part lost its crunch due to the Florida humidity.

Pineapple Buns

06 September. My roommate said goodbye to her best friend (who went overseas for a year for ministry), so I wanted to cheer her up with one of her favorite desserts. It’s a mini blueberry pie (the size of a cupcake). 

Mini Blueberry Pie

12 September. Some of the interns and I made apple cider donuts. I’ve never had one so I don’t really know what it’s supposed to taste like, but it was not bad. Someone had a mini donut mold (think waffle maker, but for mini donuts), so we used that. It was not bad. 

Apple Cider Donuts

20 September. I watched a bunch of Master Class videos of Thomas Keller and Gordon Ramsay, which made me really want to roast a chicken. So I did. It turned out pretty good! Even though this isn’t a dessert, it’s still a baked good. 

Roasted Chicken

05 October. I made bulgolgi beef and roasted broccoli for dinner with some coworkers, and of course we also had to make dessert. This one isn’t new; it’s lemon tartlets. 

Lemon Tartlets

10 October. It’s Elizabeth’s birthday! Since it was for her birthday and I wanted to get it right, I practiced. So technically, I made two. The one I gave her (pictured below) had a better swirl and lighter sponge. 

Japanese Roll Cake

I also made banana muffins and butter mochi bites for her birthday brunch. I made them look nice haha.

Brunch Muffins

12 October. Had to make a chocolate roll cake for my coworkers because I told them I made a roll cake. Also had to use up the rest of the whipping cream. And extra practice isn’t a bad thing!

Chocolate Roll Cake

30 October. More roll cakes. But this time, it’s pumpkin, with cream cheese filling, and has polka-dots. Very rich and surprisingly yummy. 

Pumpkin Roll Cake

And I made these little mummy dogs for our Halloween party! One girl said they look like babies. I guess…

Hot Dog Mummies

07 November. Full disclosure: I was planning to visit a friend in Indianapolis during this time, but the trip was cancelled because someone in her circle got COVID 😢  It was sadder because we had planned to cook together and celebrate her birthday. Even though we weren’t in person, I still made her the dessert she wanted for her birthday: a mango tart. 

Mango Tart

(I made pumpkin roll cake and chocolate chip cookies in between this, but not worth posting because I’ve made them before). 

19 November. My community group leader’s daughter was turning seven years old, and she request black and white cookies! I have no idea what they were, but I was determined to bake for her birthday. After a little research, I learned that these originated from New York, and were special because the batter contained buttermilk. They grew much bigger than I thought they would in the oven, but thankfully they didn’t touch.

Black and White Cookies

21 November. Yes, I baked for my birthday, but not a cake. I made cinnamon buns that I had wanted to for a really long time. They were SO GOOD, because the dough contained yeast. I love bread 😋

Cinnamon Bunnns

24 November. Hmm, I guess I baked two things before Thanksgiving, in addition to the turkey. Say hello to pumpkin pie, and baby pumpkin pie. And also these sugar cookies because I was dying to use the 3-D printed Totoro cookie cutters my friend made for me. 

Pumpkin Pies

Totoro, Chu, & Chibi

27 November. I made taro buns for my coworker who came down with COVID (she loves taro). But then I realized that she lost her sense of taste and smell, so I’m not sure how much she enjoyed the buns… OH WELL. At least they looked nice! I put food coloring in the taro to make it more purple. 

Taro Buns

02 December. Finally attempted egg tarts, after craving them from a dim sum run we made a few weeks earlier. The middle tasted very eggy. Will need to try them again and make them better. 

Egg Tarts

06 December. I received over forty piping tips for my birthday, and I wanted to play with them! So Elizabeth and I baked cupcakes for Tony John’s birthday and arranged them like a Christmas tree. The green frosting contains so much green food coloring. Also, we had a grilled cheese competition, and my team won! I don’t even eat cheese haha. But you may start to see a pattern – I make lots of food that I’ve never had before. And apparently they all turn out OK! (that’s an understatement.)

Christmas Tree Cupcakes

14 December. Final bake before coming home! Watching the Great British Bakeoff put me in a very festive baking mood. Everything on the holiday episodes look so delicious and delightful, and I wanted to make some too. So I decided to make a Stollen Wreath. It’s German fruit bread, with dried fruits soaked in rum. It’s my first time baking with booze! The bread turned out a little dry, but not bad for a first run. I brought the leftovers back to California, and my dad said it tasted like the UK.

Stollen Wreath

Wow, this post is much longer than I thought it would be. I guess I do bake a lot. If you have any recipe recommendations or things I should try to make in 2021, let me know! Don't worry, I also cook normal food. I just don't take pictures of them. Merry Christmas!

Ladies Weekend!

17 November 2020

Over the past weekend, the intern ladies went on a little retreat! We drove an hour north to Ormond beach, where my roommate Brooke’s cousin owned a condo. She’s a lawyer in New York but inherited the place, which she generously opened up for the eight ladies to stay over the weekend. It was a beautiful weekend to spend away from Orlando and with each other! This is one of those posts that has more pictures than words.

The Ladies

We arrived at the condo Friday night, so we spend the evening unwinding. We baked cookies, danced to music, did our nails, and put on face masks (you can tell that we have someone on our face because our faces are really shiny and we can’t really smile). It was a relaxing weekend to ease into the weekend. 

Painted Hands and Feet

The next morning, we ate breakfast together, put some sandwiches together, and headed down to Ormond Beach. Situated in Volusia County, Ormond Beach (also the name of the city) gave off a retirement-community-beach-resort vibe. There were lots of quaint souvenir shops, elderly, and unmasked people walking on the streets (COVID was very much well and alive during this time). Thankfully, the beach was not very crowded, and we found a spot far away from everyone to camp out. A couple of girls and I got into the water, but because it was cloudy, it got cold after awhile. We ate lunch watching the waves, took a walk, and headed back when it started sprinkling. One of the girls wanted to go shopping, so we stopped by one of those souvenir stores selling matching shirts and bags.

Beach Walks

In the evening, we ate dinner at an outdoor local restaurant. It had live music and a bar, and lots of people hanging out. Not the most COVID-safe environment, but it is a beach town, so I don’t know what else to expect. 

Cheers!

 
Dinnertime

On Sunday, we visited Flagler beach, did worship on the beach, and hung out by the ocean for a few more hours before heading home. Elizabeth brought her camera, so she took all the great pictures and even filmed a few fun videos.

Worship on the Beach

We stopped by a Bulow Creek State Park and admired the Fairchild Oak. It is a live oak tree that “has gladdened man’s heart for 2000 years.”

Big Tree

Sorority Line?

A lot more drama occurred during the trip, but I was not involved, so I don’t feel comfortable telling other people’s stories. But in broad strokes, there were a lot of conversations about friendships, surprises, and pranking.

But let’s go to more beaches and spend more time together in 2021, OK?