Sunday, March 29, 2020

I am Free! Just Kidding

I finished my isolated quarantine yesterday! But there's a catch. 

Last Wednesday, I learned that my quarantine will be officially extended by the Florida County government (do counties even have governments?). The mayor of Orange County announced that the residents are going into shelter-in-place starting March 26 through April 9. This means that everyone is to stay at home unless they’re going for essentials: grocery stores, pharmacy, etc. Everything else will be closed, although I’m not sure if restaurants are doing delivery.

In addition, the intern supervisors wrote an email about how the interns need to stay in their apartments. Earlier this week, we were told that we could still hang out with each other, but now I won’t be able to see anyone outside of my roommates after my quarantine.

All of a sudden, quarantine no longer lasted for two weeks, but a month. And this was only County regulations. I don’t know how long it would be once the state of Florida issues a lockdown.

I was pretty upset. Maybe not as upset as when I heard I would be quarantined, but still frustrated and sad at the entire situation. I felt entitled – entitled to trust, that I would make good decisions; entitled to community, that I could physically be with other interns; entitled to freedom, that I could go and hangout outside.
I Miss This

I’ve felt a lot of emotions lately, ranging from extreme positive to negative. Thankful for all the friends near and far I’ve been able to connect/reconnect with. Feeling loved by many people who check in on me and send me gifts and kind words. But frustrated that I am so close to community yet so far. Sad to read articles about how people are suffering. Nervous for all the workers that are risking their lives to save others’ lives.

Also. I’ve been trying to honestly come before God with all of these emotions, but it’s hard. I didn’t sign up to go on a spring break trip, come back, and be locked in my apartment indefinitely. It’s rough to be losing all the things I’ve worked so hard to familiarize myself with here in Orlando. But yes, there are a lot of things that I have taken for granted.

This quarantine has revealed a lot more of my sinful, rebellious nature than I would care to admit.

But at the same time, there is so much to be thankful for. Here are just a few:
  • Time to check in and reconnect with old friends
  • Alone time in the apartment
  • Space to create new habits
  • Easy access to food and technology
  • Proper rest
Gratitude Viruses

But honestly, it is not good for man to be alone. God definitely created us to be in community, and living solo for two weeks has been pretty rough.

But on a lighter note, here are some stats on how I spent the last two weeks:
  • 0 TV shows 
  • 0 Movies
  • 80 phone/video calls using 8 platforms
    • Google, Zoom, Facetime, Line, Houseparty, Facebook Video, Whatsapp, & good old phone
  • Watched basically all the Epicurious "4 Levels of Cooking" videos
  • Too many songs to count
  • 5 blogposts (2 published after isolation)
I also learned to play a few things on the guitar. I used DoorDash to get Panera Bread on my last day, kind of as a reward for myself, and motivation to get through the very end.
Building Callouses

Am I sick? I used more Kleenex to kill cockroaches than blow my nose. Go figure.

Keren and Jennifer came back Saturday morning! And I went to the grocery store. Even though a stay-at-home order is in place, life feels a lot more normal. I am thankful for laughter in the living room, walking through semi-empty aisles, and driving with my windows down (even though I don’t like driving). These are seemingly mundane things, but I am thankful.
"Welcome Home!"

I also learned how extremely independent and unrestrained I like my life to be. There’s this level of free spirit/borderline recklessness in my personality that I discovered being cooped up these past two weeks. Maybe this is why I fear commitment.

Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying this beautiful Sunday! It is currently sunny and 90 degrees in Orlando. Don’t worry, we have the AC on in our apartment ;)

Forgotten Heroes

It has been two weeks since I came back from Marsh Harbour (I know this because my roommates will be coming back to our apartment, endearingly called The Cocoon). I promised to tell some of the stories I heard there, so here they are. I wanted to write them down before I forgot.

Mr. Jim
Our team was working on Mr. Weldon’s house when a man walked up to the house. (This happened quite often, since people on the island don’t have much work and wander up and down the street and like to check out what’s happening to their neighbors.). Mr. Jim introduced himself, and we asked him about his experience of Hurricane Dorian. He stayed in his house when the storm hit, and his house was swept up in the tidal surge (23 ft high). Because of all the debris floating around in the turbulent flood, his foot broke in three places: his knee, shin, and ankle. But as he was drifting around, he heard people trapped in their houses screaming for help. His ability to swim allowed him to rescue those around him (mind you, his right leg is broken). I don’t know how he stabilized his leg (with a piece of driftwood or something, I don’t really remember), but he swam from house to house, pulling out people who were trapped in the rooms and attics. The waters finally subsided after three days, and he saw a helicopter fly in, so he walked (on his broken leg) through the debris until someone found him and carried him to medical aid.

One of the leaders shared this story with all the students after dinner, and he called Mr. Jim a hero. That was a fitting word. Someone who puts others’ needs before his own in very extreme circumstances.

Collin
Before we headed out to the worksites each morning, we would have a little devotional. But instead of the usual Bible passage, Collin came to share his story Tuesday morning. He is one of the Bahamians in the Marsh Harbour community who lived through the storm and chose to stay afterwards. Because of his grit and tenacity through the rebuilding process, the community really looks up to him as a leader.

Collin started off his story with a caveat: his story was nothing compared to what others had experienced. He survived while many others did not. His house is still standing, while many have slept in tents for months. Then he began recounting his experience of Hurricane Dorian.

Collin lived through 4-5 other major hurricanes, so a hurricane warning was nothing new. He and his family prepared for Dorian as they did any other: putting shutters on doors and windows, buying a month’s worth of non-perishables, etc. His house was on a hill facing the East, towards the waters (also the direction where Dorian came), and the family hunkered down as usual.

What was different about Collin’s story was that he put timestamps on each major event. I don’t remember the exact timing of all the events, but here’s the jist. There were high winds for half a day before it started raining. The first half of the storm, before the eye, lasted about two hours, with lots of rain and winds around 150 mph (I’m rounding down). Because the wind was so strong, windows started breaking in, and water poured into the house. Collin, his wife, and two children (ages 13 and 11) were driven further and further back into the house as the storm continued to rage. They found shelter in the back bathroom, constantly worrying that the roof would collapse onto them. It was uncertain if their house would last through the entire storm.

When the eye of the storm came, Collin and his family decided to move to his uncle’s house, which was higher up on the hill and further inland. He and his wife frantically collected what few valuables they wanted to save and ran up the hill. It was still windy and raining, but much calmer. Forty-five minutes later, nightmare ensued.

The family, along with a few neighbors, spent the second half of the storm together. There were 180mph sustained winds and rain for four hours, twice as long as the first half. That’s because the storm stalled over Marsh Harbour and battered the entire community. Collin said ti sounded like standing next to a freight train. I can’t imagine living in the middle of all that.

I don’t remember what happened right after the storm, but after the waters subsided, panic struck. People started looting everyone’s houses. The island was very unsafe, so Collin’s wife and children went to stay with relatives on a different island. Most people in Marsh Harbour left the area, because their houses were ruined and they had no place to live. Collin stayed to guard the house, as he didn’t want strangers stealing their stuff. After a few more weeks, his family returned, and they started restoring the house. We didn’t get to visit his home, but that’s fine. He is leading so much in rebuilding the community, especially pushing efforts to get a school opened in September.

Through his story, I learned that all kinds of people are needed to restore a community. Beyond construction workers and technicians, Marsh Harbour also needs school administrators and counselors. Collin revealed that most survivors of Dorian suffer from PTSD. It was a little windier than usual over the weekend, and his daughter ran up and hugged him, nervously asking, “Daddy, are the windows going to blow in?”

It’s hard to imagine what it means to live in that fear and anxiety, and the huge support the people there need to return to some kind of normal in their lives. No wonder many feel forgotten, as less and less relief teams come and help, and the media stops reporting on the conditions here.  

Ms. Justina
On Thursday, Candice asked for four “strong volunteers,” two boys and two girls to do yardwork at Ms. Justina house. I hesitantly raised my hand when only one girl volunteered. 

We dropped off all the tools except the chain saw at the other worksite before heading over to Ms. Justina's house. We arrived at a row of cute cottages with a sign that read “Cozy Cottage, Airbnb.” Ms. Justina came out of her house and enthusiastically greeted us. She led us through the yard, full of broken branches and coconut trees bent over from the storm. A twisted wire fence separated her property from the surrounding nature. Broken shingles laid scattered everywhere.

After the walk-through, we asked her about her experience through Hurricane Dorian. She said that she always stayed in her own home during hurricanes, but her son urged her to stay with them for Dorian; Ms. Justina’s house was on the coast, and he saw the news and it didn’t look pretty. So she left her house, the beautiful cottage and neatly pruned yard (see Airbnb for pictures), and took shelter with her son, who lived further inland.

But it was still a terrifying experience – 11 family members huddled in the bathroom for three days after the roof collapsed. They all took turns sleeping on a wet mattress on the bathtub, until first responders found them and put them in shelter. A few weeks later, Ms. Justina returned to her property. She pointed out the water marks on her house from the tidal surge. Everything was under water. All her furniture was “mangled up, mangled up,” as she twisted her hands to represent the gnarly mess.

“If I stayed inside, I would have lost my life. I lost everything. Everything. My furniture, my clothes, everything. But thank God I’m alive.”

Her perspective struck me. Instead of complaining about her loss, she was thankful. “But thank God I’m alive” was not what I expected to come out of her mouth. I guess this is evidence of a faith founded on a firm foundation that withstands the storm (literally and figuratively).  
Cozy Cottage Now

Mrs. Black
Mrs. Black was the last local we met during our week. We helped clear debris from her sister’s house across the street from hers, and she came out to talk to all of us. She spent 46 years as a teacher on the island, and she stood poised and composed as she shared her story while all of us stood captivated by her commanding presence.

Mrs. Black lived on a corner house, and her sons lived in the adjacent two houses up the gentle slope (important detail). She said she loved hurricanes as a child: the hurricane closed schools and knocked down coconuts so they were easier to access. She was a seasoned hurricane preparer (definitely not a word, but you know) and expected the worst. She made three backup plans just if things went south, and her family stocked up food in all three locations just in case. Hurricane Dorian forced them to experience the worst.

I won’t talk about all the plans as it is hard to describe without seeing the actual row of houses. But basically they traveled between all three houses during the storm, which each got wrecked as the day progressed. When the waters started rising, they resorted to the final plan: hunker down in their cars (parked higher up on the hill) for the remainder of the storm. But they had to wade through four feet of water filled with lumber that used to be their roof. Mrs. Black’s ten-year-old grandson was short and his mother was short also, so Mrs. Black pick him up and carried him as they slowly made their way to the car. Mrs. Black and her family stayed in the cars for four days before first responders got through all the debris and rescued them. She said the same thing as Ms. Justina:

“I lost everything, but thank God I’m alive.”

Mrs. Black

~

There are a few more stories, but I think these are some of the more poignant ones. I didn’t want to overwhelm you (or myself) putting all the stories in the same place.

Maybe I already posted this, but these are some of the people that inspired my Instagram post’s caption:

“Dear Marsh Harbour,

Even though you are broken and hurting,
You are beautiful – full of hope, courage, and strength.
Thank you for everything you have shown me.”

These survivors, so clearly hurt and broken physically, emotionally, and economically by Dorian, are living testaments of the cliché "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." They may be scarred, but they exude grit and hope like no other. It’s so inspiring and humbling to see them continue to walk in faith and praise God in the aftermath of a storm. They are the forgotten heroes of Hurricane Dorian.

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Halfway Through Isolation

It is Day 8 of isolated quarantine, and what a time it has been. Who knew that one could survive on your own?
My Thankfulness Wall

Speaking of which, I’m doing OK all things considered. I will say that I’ve had a few 6-feet-away conversations with friends around the apartment complex, but no physical contact. With the help of a lot of music and projects, I am still alive and not really stir crazy. I've had 35 video calls since last Saturday (and still counting).

I set up a standing desk for work, and being on a remote team helped with my transition to working from home. I'm used to the rhythm and etiquette of video calls, and I'm thankful that the entire world is now forced to learn the basics of technology. 
Makeshift Standup Desk

I’ve had so many discussions about COVID-19 and what society will look like in the future. Because I am not limited to talk to people in my immediate proximity, I have heard a plethora of thoughts and opinions. Some interesting questions to think about:

-       Are the lockdowns that the government instituting within the power/rights of state government?
-       What is the tradeoff between physical health, economic stability, and mental wellbeing?
-       What does this interruption reveal about our society’s goals and priorities? Our personal values?
-       How can we use technology to maintain meaningful, personal relationships?
-       Controversial: Did it ever cross your mind that those who are most vulnerable to COVID-19 would not be alive if this happened 200 years ago?

I don’t have answers to any of these questions, but if you want to discuss them, I’m happy to jump on a video call in the near future!

I’ve been cooking a lot, and it’s nice to have the freedom to make food for lunch rather than pack a lunchbox. Here are some of the meals I’ve been enjoying this past week:
Yum

It was also interesting celebrating a birthday remotely. I had the privilege of making the cake of the night: Austin’s family is Pennsylvania Dutch and German, and she loves cheesecake, so I made her a German Cheesecake with lots of berries. I was really nervous about the cheesecake because it didn’t contain any cream cheese (only Greek yogurt and heavy cream), but they said it tasted good, so I’m glad. I’m pretty proud of my creation, if I’m allowed to say so myself:
German Cheesecake

Pinterest Inspired


And then I had the luxury to enjoy the remaining strawberries and blueberries. I don’t usually buy them for myself because they’re on the more expensive side, but I decided to treat myself over the weekend hehe.
Banana Oatmeal Pancakes

Greek Yogurt Parfait

There’s more to say, but I will stop here for now. I just wanted to publish my baking pictures :P I’ll do a final quarantine reflection next weekend. Happy Sunday! Stay tuned for more Bahamas stories. 

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Spring Break Work and Fun

This post contains details about the work we did on Abaco Island, as well as the fun half day we spent enjoying the beautiful nature.


We split into three different work groups during the week to clean, tear down, and help with reconstruction. On Monday and Tuesday, I was part of the group that helped rebuild the school. Most buildings in Marsh Harbour used dry wall, which crumbled during the hurricane. The locals took into account the possibility of future storms and decided to use plywood coated in primer for new walls at the school. Consequently, we painted 350 pieces of plywood for two days.
Painting for Days

We had six paint stations set up inside the chapel where we went to church on Sunday, and people took turns carrying painted plywood outside on palettes to dry and bringing new pieces/pieces that needed to be painted on the second side. It wasn’t glamorous or exciting – in fact, pretty mundane and repetitive, with no end in site (the plywood just kept coming and coming and coming…). The only things that informed us of progress was time and the ground filling up with white boards.
They're Drying

We Got Paint on Ourselves

 Near the end of the week, the groups switched jobs. On Thursday, I went to Mr. Weldon’s house to do clean-up. He is planning to move back and rebuild his house, so we were just there to help give him a jumpstart.

It’s gut-wrenching to see the insides of Dorian-destructed houses. It’s not a pretty sight.
There Are No Descriptions

We wore long pants, gloves, protective glasses, and N-95 masks. Why the masks? Everything you see is wet FROM SIX MONTHS AGO. Imagine all the mold, cockroaches, and bacteria (and frogs too) that thrive in this ecosystem. We saw it all, except the bacteria.

It’s humbling, shoveling EVERYTHING a family owned into the dumpster. Furniture. Clothing. Toys. Books. Kitchenware. All of it a wet, matted mess. Some of the boys had to throw out the refrigerator, full of flood water and rotting food. And then they drained a clogged sink. The water was black. Imagine the stench (please don’t).

All I could think about was Matthew 6:19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moths and rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal.” The entire verse unfolded before my eyes. The few days after the hurricane, all the houses were looted, and people broke into other people’s homes for valuables. Rust ate away at everything metal. There weren’t moths, but other insects made all other “treasures” undesirable. It was overwhelming to throw everything away, and I can’t imagine a family, who would have emotional attachment to it all, going through their belongings and doing this work.

When locals said they lost everything, they mean everything.
 Everything Had to Go

Before vs. After

Now for the fun part. We took Wednesday morning off from the physical labor and went to Cherokee Shores. It’s one of those locations that are advertised everywhere. This poster was in the waiting area in Marsh Harbour Airport:
Ad in the Airport

Cherokee Long Dock used to be 770 feet, the longest wooden dock in the “Commonwealth of the Bahamas.” As you can see below, Hurricane Dorian left its mark and no one has fixed it.
The Long Dock Now

But nature still has its charm. The water is crystal clear all the way past the dock, and the sand is soft and smooth. Waves break far out, so the ripples that come in are quiet and calm. It’s pretty amazing to be in places like these – definitely not a typical beach, but what a stunning location. And big bonus: we had Cherokee Shores all to ourselves! I can only imagine how crowded this place would be with locals and tourists on a typical summer day.
All the Sand is Underwater

I'm in Love

We found lots of conch (pronounced KONK) shells that a lots of the students collected and brought home. Warnings from my mom to leave nature be rang in my ears, so I left all the ones I found, including this one! It’s still alive (as in, the conch is still in the shell), and I put it back in the ocean.
It's Alive

We also ate some natural coconut. Pretty delicious J

After Cherokee Shores, we drove to Blue Hole, a natural spring in the middle of nowhere. Some locals drink the water, but we just swam and jumped in it. We ate our lunches here and enjoyed the clean, blue hole.
Blue Hole

That's most of the exciting activities. More to come! Hope you're not going stir crazy at home and loving your family well :) 

Thursday, March 19, 2020

A Weekend on Great Abaco Island

Yes, I was on the island for more than a weekend, but my first two days on Great Abaco Island were especially intense.

I landed in Marsh Harbour around 10am on Saturday, March 7. Flying over the waters of the Bahamas reminded me of flying into Australia. The color of the ocean is a little different, but still a vibrant teal gradient to deep navy. Our plane was very small – only three seats across and twelve rows. I didn’t see the runway until we were literally on it. The airport was tiny, and the arrival and departure areas were right next to each other.
Window Seat

Katie, an Unto intern, and Candice, a Campus Unto staff, picked me up from the airport. Because the Bahamas were once a British colony, the drivers sit on the right and drive on the left. But not all vehicles were that way; one of the vans was an American car, but sitting on the left still meant driving on the left. The ride to Marsh Harbour Gospel Chapel was a short 10 minutes, and wow I was in shock. If you told me the Hurricane Dorian happened last week, I would have believed you. Houses lay in ruins. Trees completely uprooted. Cars broken and abandoned. Shipping containers corroded. Boats washed up, far from shore. It was a ghost town.
This Was Everywhere

"You haven't seen anything yet," Candice stated, as we drove to the school we were staying at for the week. It's difficult to capture the scenery in words, but I have never been to a more devastated place.

After a simple sandwich lunch, Candice took me down to the beach. I wouldn’t exactly call it a beach because there isn’t any sand until you wade into the water, but it was a nice to stand next to water. It was cloudy, so the water wasn’t a glistening blue, but it was still a beautiful sight. Candice also brought a couple of plastic bags so we could collect the broken glass on the shore.
So Clear It's Invisible

At first, I couldn’t find any. All I saw was rocks and tiny shells. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the bright green glass. Occasionally, I found the brown and clear bottles, too. As I scavenged the shore, poetic lines about sea glass and brokenness popped in my mind, but I don’t remember any of them. 

In the afternoon, Ben gave us a tour of the island. Ben is an Unto staff who was on the ground just four days after Hurricane Dorian hit. As he drove us around, he asked if we saw any progress. It was hard to say yes, because everything still looked terrible. There’s no electricity or running water in the majority of the area. Houses lay wasted. But to him, there has been so much improvement. There are two lanes on the road. The grocery store is open (but not always stocked). Some areas are clear of debris. He admitted that, after being on the island for so long, he had started to block out much of the devastation. It’s exhausting to constantly see the overwhelming needs but be incapable of making significant change.
Heartbreaking

The first house we stopped at was completely empty. It didn’t even have doors or windows. We walked straight through the front and back door, suddenly greeted with the beautiful blue Bahamas water. It was particularly windy that day, yet I couldn’t help but stand on the balcony, admiring the breathtaking view. We ventured around the house and down the shore, where little waves lapped on the rubble. This wasn’t a sandy beach, but I wouldn’t mind living in a house with this kind of view.
To The Balcony

I Want This Backyard

On our way to Treasure Cay, Ben pointed out a massive plot of fenced land. This was "The Mud," an area where undocumented Haitian immigrants used to live. It got its name because it's a low-lying and usually floods when it rains. A loophole in the Bahamian law allowed immigrants to stay, as long as they could squat on a plot of land for a certain period of time. But since there was no building code requirements for the government-owned land, poorly constructed houses squished together in what used to be a shantytown. You can google "the mud abaco bahamas" to see what it looked like before the hurricane, but either way, all the houses have been destroyed, and many people died as they tried to weather out the storm in their homes here. After Hurricane Dorian, the government a fence around The Mud so the families couldn't come back. It's an understatement that the Bahamian government and the Haitian immigrants don't have a good relationship. 
The Mud

We drove to Treasure Cay, a normally boujee (boojee? Meaning expensive) resort area. It’s supposedly home to one of the most famous stretches of beach in the world. The remains of the accommodations clearly showed that each one used to be a luxurious place to vacation, honeymoon, or retire.  A couple places were newly rebuilt, but I’m not sure who would want to live there with no electricity or running water. We did drive by a golf course with nicely manicured grass (a rare sight in Marsh Harbour), so I guess you could come just to play golf. (Note: TripAdvisor says this location is temporarily closed. I’m not sure how long it’ll take for tourists to start coming again).

The beach -- WOW. White, fine sand, so soft I sank into it. The water was this color:  
Beautiful

What Color is This?

I would say this is my all-time favorite beach (from me, the self-proclaimed beach connoisseur. To be fair, I have been to MANY different beaches all over the world). It's incredibly sobering to witness this paradise and all the nightmare in the rest of the city. What a cruel juxtaposition.

~

On Sunday, we attended Marsh Harbour Gospel Chapel for service. We walked up the hill to the light blue building that functioned as a church and school, and entered the sanctuary. Rows of folding chairs lined the concrete floor facing the unpolished, plywood stage. A white sheet draped against a metal frame served as the screen, where pink insulation peaked through several gaping holes in the ceiling. We sat near the back as locals, mostly elderly, trickled into the room. The congregation was small, about 40 people, which including various volunteer coming in to do service for the coming week.
Church

We soon learned that this was the first Sunday that service was being held in the sanctuary; they had been meeting in the gym (where we were staying) for months, and much progress has already been made to repair parts of the chapel. We stood up as two locals led us in acoustic worship, while a third scrolled through Word documents of the lyrics with chords.

The worship was bare – not in a condescending way, but raw and pure. There was no show. No microphones. No cool lighting. No decor.The stage was darker than the congregation. The contrast between the production I’m used to and this shook me. Worship is not about the lights, sounds, and production; it is ultimately about my heart.

The first song we sang was “Blessed Be Your Name.” All of a sudden, the lyrics took on unprecedented depth, and I was moved. The people sang:

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
"Lord, blessed be your name."

In the midst of extreme loss, these people choose to praise the Lord. I have no idea what it truly means, but I got a glimpse of others who sincerely spoke these words, and I am humbled.

I don’t remember very much about the sermon, and I failed to take notes except for this one line:

“The only thing that matters in any storm ins Christ magnified. Make Him your focus."

I so often throw myself a pity party during a storm (and very few and small storms at that), and it’s so easy to turn all my focus on myself. Even in this little drizzle that is the quarantine, I’ve caught myself thinking that the world is against me and punishing me for traveling to such a beautiful place. But that’s not true. Storms are a part of our everyday reality in this world, and as long as we are alive on earth, there will be days when we experience turbulent weather. But these difficult times can be used to the glory of God, if we choose to focus on Him. 

After the Sunday service, the students finally arrived! There were 15 students and 2 staff, so along with the rest of us, our team had 25 people. After lunch and some settling in time, we loaded up the cars and drove to a memorial service for those who lost their lives in Hurricane Dorian.

You might be wondering, why did it take so long for the Abaconians to hold a memorial service? Hurricane Dorian was more than six months ago! That’s a great question. It is true that it’s been half a year since people lost their lives, but it wasn’t until recently that locals started to move back to the Marsh Harbour region. If the memorial service took place a few months earlier, I’m not sure how many people would attend.
We Remember

We unloaded at Vision Chapel, and many people came. Even an hour into the service, people were still walking in. Our entire group, originally seated, gave up our seats to the locals attending. People stood in the doorway and outside the church because there was no room inside.

I’ve been to quite a few funerals/memorial services, but none quite like this.

It felt like people were having panic attacks, where certain points in the service, several people started wailing. (I know it’s part of some cultures to mourn with the death wail, but I’ve never seen/heard it in person.) It was intense, their cries piercing the air like knives stabbing the soul. For a split second, it felt like I could feel their heartache. But I didn’t understand, not completely.

There were so many stories of families losing loved ones, they all seem to blur together. But as people got up to share, one by one, the life of their beloved daughter, aunt, son, friend, mother, neighbor, wife, every single person broke down at the mic. It was painful to agonizing. 

At the end of the sharing time, the pastor of the church came up. He said something that I wanted to remember (it's all I wrote down from that service):

“You feel pain because you loved much.”

I'm not sure why I wrote that down, or what resonated with me in that moment, but it revealed something about the heart of the locals. It seems like Marsh Harbour would have been a joyful place with a warm, loving community. And in this tragedy, they were banding together, tighter than usual. 

We left two hours into the service. It was not over, but the leaders decided it was better to leave than to stay for the one to two hours longer the service was projected to last. We returned to the gym, and I walked the students down to the waters. It was a calming way to end the day. 

This has taken a lot longer than expected, but I'm looking forward to sharing more about what we did, and the stories we heard from the locals. Thanks for getting through this long post!

Monday, March 16, 2020

Quarantine Day 1 (and How I Found Out)

π day.

2:45PM. I said goodbye to Katie, who dropped me off at the Marsh Harbour International Airport on Abaco Island, Bahamas. My week on the island was coming to a close, and I was not looking forward to returning to the chaos that is COVID-19. Throughout the week, students on the spring break trip continually received emails from school administration. First it was an extra week of spring break. Then it was online classes for a few weeks. Then for the rest of the semester. Oh, and remember to move out of housing in the next two days. Even though we were safely on an island with no cases of the virus, stress and anxiety steadily increased day after day.

Things were no different in Cru. First, all the trips to Europe were cancelled. Then all the spring break trips were cancelled. Finally, summer missions were cancelled. I tried to stay informed but detached. But this was just the beginning for me.

3:15PM. I walked through security at the airport. There was a single metal detector and scanner, but only a few people in front of me, so no big deal. The man in front of me packed an entire bottle of shampoo in his carry on (which had to be thrown out), but it was better than the elderly couple who tried to bring two bottles of hard liqueur through TSA in Orlando. I have no idea if they were inexperienced, forgetful, or hungover.

There was a small bar, one mom & pop shop selling snacks and candy, and a portable souvenir shop. It was selling tiny shells for $15, and they weren't even that pretty! If I really wanted one, I would’ve kept the ones I found on the beach. I sat down in one of the two waiting areas in front of the Silver Airways counter, and posted an Instagram story. The picture was from earlier that afternoon.


Clear Water at Marsh Harbour

3:30PM. An elderly couple sitting behind me worriedly started discussing connecting flights in Orlando, which prompted me to look up my flight status online. It turned out that my flight was delayed from 3:50PM to 4:30PM.

3:39PM. I screenshotted the flight status page and sent it to my roommate Jennifer, who was supposed to pick me up.

J:
Okay!
Just warning you, we’re having convos with Tony John about quarantine 
(Tony John is one of our intern supervisors)
He just texted us to keep us aware that you might be quarantined when you get home.

Adrenaline shot through my body. How can I be quarantined?? I spent a week in a place with no cases of COVID-19, and they’re going to isolate me?? This can’t be real. I entered the first phase of the five stages of grief: denial.

Me: ??? But there are no cases of the virus in the Bahamas
J: My thoughts exactly.

Me: I’m sad if I won’t get to live with you and Keren 😭

We went back and forth a bit about the other two interns who are returning home this weekend (from countries that have cases) and the situations with their roommates. My mind still couldn’t wrap around the fact that Cru would put people (specifically, me) in quarantine. I was not coming back from China, or Europe, or another highly infected area. I was getting really upset and entering the second stage: anger.

Me: Wow this is too much. Is it because I’ve been to the airport?

J: For real. I didn’t think they’d quarantine you
I don’t know. Life is chaotic. 
My thought exactly. And exactly why I wasn’t particularly thrilled to go home at this moment.
Did you see/get Steve Seller’s email? There’s something about staying home for 14 days
Steve Sellers is the Vice President of Cru, and he sent an email to all of Cru earlier in the week about cancelling trips. I skimmed through the content days before but didn’t read it closely. I frantically opened his email and scroll all the way to the bottom, because the content about quarantine would probably be at the end of the email. I quickly scanned for the word “quarantine” and the number “14.” I found neither.

3:46PM. Keren started messaging me. Anne I want to see you!!

Me: Me too 😭😭😭 

At this point, I was on the verge of tears (which is why I put three emojis in my message). My thoughts of easing back into the US and the pandemic were completely thrown out the window. In my mind, I would get back to my apartment after grabbing dinner at Panera, and me and my roommates would sit/lay down on my carpet and catch each other up on our week. They would then tell me the inside scoop of what was happening with COVID-19 and Cru. In reality, I was shoved into the chaos even before I was physically back. 

K: Is this actually happening?

Me: Idk

K: I miss you
Is your flight delayed?


Me: Yeah my flight is delayed
At this point, I was messaging both my roommates, so I decided to move our conversation to our apartment group message.
Me: So what exactly is happening?

3:49PM.
Tony John messaged me and proceeded to call me via Whatsapp. For a split second, I considered ignoring his call but my gut reaction made me pick it up. During the 3 minute call, Tony John informed me of the possibility of being quarantined in his professional/matter-of-fact/stressed tone. It made me very annoyed and I asked why I had to be on quarantine if I didn’t go anywhere with the virus. He just said it may be necessary, and it was easier to “un-quarantine” me than to quarantine everyone I came into contact with. With that, he abruptly ended the call. Thoughts raced through my mind much too fast for words to catch up. I was feeling a lot of negative emotion unlike anything I’ve experienced for awhile. It all just seemed so unreasonable.

3:55PM. Jennifer responded in our group chat.

J: Unsure. Sounds like Keren and I might stay in a hotel tonight. They’re working out stuff with crisis management.

Me: Will you still be able to pick me up?

J: Hopefully! I’ll make sure that’s arranged if I can’t.

Me: Can Keren come with you too (if she’s free)

I was entering the third stage of grief: bargain. If I was not spending the night with my roommates, I at least wanted to see them for a little bit. At least we could talk on the car ride back. Maybe we could even grab dinner to extend the time we were together. Clearly, I didn’t know what it meant to be quarantined (I still don’t).

4:11PM. The flight attendants made an announcement for Silver Airways Flight 144 service to Orlando. It was time to board. I was holding onto the hope that I would get to see my roommates who would come pick me up, and then things would be better. Surely, the leadership would recognize that there were more cases in Orlando than where I was coming from? Quarantining those coming back from overseas implies keeping something out, but in reality the US already has over 1000 cases, so I’m not sure how effective quarantine would be. And if there are cases in Orlando, my quarantine would probably be more effective at keeping me safe from COVID-19 in the US. Just some thoughts that crossed my mind as I sat on the plane.

5:58PM. Our little plane touched down at the Orlando International Airport. That’s when I got this message from Tony John:

Hey team! Don’t plan on picking up Anne, Logan, or Holley from the airport. We’ll have them uber back to the apartments.

For those of you unaware, we’re going to be quarantining them upon their return. I apologize that you are receiving this via groupme/text message. If you have any questions or concerns, please reach out.


Customs and immigration were surprisingly empty. They didn’t even ask if I brought anything back. I re-downloaded Uber on my phone and called a driver.

6:51PM. The Uber driver picked me up. We had a little trouble getting the ride started, but it was fine. Miguel was a great driver, although we didn't say a word to each other. At this point I was in stage four of grief: depression – when imagination calms down and we start to really mourn the loss and sadness grows.

7:11PM. I walked up the two flights of stairs to our 3rd floor apartment. No one was home, and it looked like people left in a hurry, but definitely not as messy as those houses on Abaco Island. 

8:00PM. I Facetimed my roommates, who were staying at the Holiday Inn down the street. It was so nice to see their faces (albeit virtually) and hear their side of the story. They had three hours to pack for two weeks (the amount of time I am quarantined). It was probably just as stressful for them, if not more. 

9:00PM. I video called my parents. They urged me to submit to authority, something that I have a lot of trouble doing when my petty opinions don't agree with my leaders'. Things are a lot worse in the Bay Area, so I'm thankful.

The Next Morning. I watched Church at Home from the comfort of my bed. I paused it a few times where the pastor told us to do some reflection/discussion to make a few lists of things I wanted to do for the next two weeks. Chores that needed to be done, work projects that were introduced, and the daily rhythm I wanted to create for myself. I guess this is a sign of the fifth and last stage of grief: acceptance.

Perhaps this is for the better. No, it is for the better. I don’t really know how the rest of this will play out, but I pray that everyone is safe.


Update: I am officially isolated for the next two weeks. I'm not happy with the decision but it is what it is. I know I haven't posted anything about the Bahamas yet, but I just wanted you all to know (and I'm still processing all that I heard/saw/learned there). I will definitely post soon - there's not much else that I can do.