There’s no doubt that everyone on the planet has been affected by COVID-19 this year to varying degrees. Life is not the same as it was a year ago.
As 2020 comes to a close, I’ve wanted to reflect (as I am drawn to do at the end of each year), and I wanted to document my experience of COVID. This post is more for myself than anyone else, although I invite you to read about my experience. I want to be truthful about how I’ve experienced and handled COVID for the majority of the year, so here we go.
My COVID experience has 3 phases:
Phase 1: Detached Awareness
Song, an intern last year, went back to China for Chinese New Year. His family is from Beijing, and he worried constantly about the coronavirus when it was only a phenomenon in mainland China. While home, he told us about the lockdown, and how malls and businesses normally bustling and overwhelmingly chaotic during this season were hauntingly empty and quiet. No one wandered through the streets. There were no festivities. Restaurants were closed. It became so bad that Song had to change his flight so he could come to the US early.
When Song arrived, he had to self-isolate for two weeks. His housemates moved out of the apartment so he could quarantine. He missed one of the largest events of the internship – Preview Weekend – due to his fourteen-day self-isolation.
I couldn’t imagine being alone for two weeks as an extravert, so I delivered groceries to him and set up video calls with Song with a few other interns. During one of the video calls, Song said that it felt so strange that nothing felt different in the US. China and much of Asia/Europe were experiencing lockdowns, but everything felt normal here.
I would agree; for almost two months, I lived in blissful unawareness, as I scrolled through the news each morning, following international headlines about hospitals reaching capacity and overworked medical workers. In fact, I traveled all the way to the southernmost point of the contiguous US, Florida’s Key West, and flew off to my spring break trip to the Bahamas, painfully ignorant to the fact that everything would be turned upside down when I returned.
Phase 2: Resentfully Quarantined
(Part a) How I returned from the Bahamas is documented in this post. I was angry.
Two months later, the intern year ended, and I don’t know if I was mad at God or my circumstances. But it was probably a mix of both. It wasn’t that things were terrible, it was just not how I thought they would be. To summarize, I was isolated for two weeks, then kept from seeing the other interns for the rest of the year. We had a small gathering before everyone left in May, but it felt like two months of dragged out farewells.
(Part 2) Even though I was not able to go home for the summer, God provided housing for me in Orlando. It was a clear sign of God’s grace and provision, but my land-lady was high risk. I felt like a bird that flew from one cage into another.
While I am thankful for Kelly and her generosity, our deep and intentional conversations, and our friendship, living with her made me question everything I did. I felt guilty running to the grocery store for apples and bananas. I questioned myself doing picnic meals with friends outside of our “bubble.”
To cope, I went on long walks in the neighborhood while listening to podcasts: NPR’s “Code Switch,” Tim Keller’s “Gospel in Life,” and Adam Young’s “The Place We Find Ourselves.” Thankfully, Kelly’s boyfriend lived in the same house as Tony John, so I ended up spending a lot of time at their house the second half of the summer, either cooking or tutoring math. I learned that I enjoy a routine with variations. I get bored easily and yearn for a change of scenery. But only change that I can control, please.
Phase 3: Finding Balance
Once I moved into intern housing, all hell broke loose. At least that’s how some people would see it (I’m learning that life is all about perspective). I went to grocery stores. I went to Disney. I attended church in person. I ate at restaurants. Indoors. Freedom felt glorious. I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I had a break for being extra cautious for the sake of others. I know, this is very selfish thinking. But compassion fatigue is real.
Living in community with thirteen other interns meant we had conversations about COVID right from the get-go. We shared what everyone was comfortable doing and how we can watch out for each other’s needs during a pandemic. IT WAS MESSY. There was tension between the mask-wearing and non-mask-wearing, the cautious and careless, and collectivistic and individualistic mindsets. People used Bible verses and theology to support their positions. Let’s just say it’s difficult to reach a compromise when there are people all over the spectrum on a certain issue.
For those of you who are still horrified about the fact that I went to Disney, I will ease your conscience by describing the Disney experience. You had to reserve your visit to the parks before you go, with reservations Disney is a mostly outdoor park. Masks (not just neck gators) are required for all guests at all times, “unless you are eating or drinking while stationary, or you will be asked to leave.” Most of the lines for rides are outdoors until the very end, where you enter the ride. Some rides are outdoors. There are markings on the grounds six feet away to separate you from the party in front of you, although not everyone is good about staying away from each other. There is hand sanitizer before and after each ride, and rides are cleaned and sanitized frequently. Cast members wear face shields in addition to masks. To keep people from gathering, Disney cancelled all of its shows and parades. There are no more nightly fireworks or Lion King sing-alongs. And spontaneous character parades are only a few cars long. They appear unannounced so visitors do not gather along the sides of the roads. The bottom line is: Disney put a lot of thought and care into reopening its parks, and I don’t feel unsafe at Disney World.
I will say that Disney World gradually increased its capacity. I went to Disney 11 times between August 14th and December 14th, and there was a visible shift in the number of people at the parks. Except for the face masks and closure of most restaurants, COVID felt non-existent in Disney in December. And yes, it is possible to have fun during a pandemic. Here are some pictures to prove it:
Trip #1 (We Accidentally Matched)
Reunited Interns!
Colorful Winter Wall
Dinosaur Ride!
Lion King Sunset
A Short Parade
And yes, I ate at numerous restaurants indoors between August and December. That was definitely more risky than going to Disney, but I felt like I could handle the risk, so I did it anyway.
I vividly remember the first time I ate indoors. I was with Tony John and another Cru staff, who had helped move several wooden dressers from one third floor apartment to another. We took a break and went to Bolay, a local fusion fast food place. I thought we were just taking it to go and eating at the apartments, but we stayed to eat instead. I was thrown off. Red flags flashed in my mind because I was still living with Kelly. Eating indoors was something we agreed was risky and something we would avoid. There were two other parties in the restaurant with their masks off (because they were eating), and I didn’t really know this other staff too well. What if I breathe in their air? Will I get COVID? I nervously glanced at Tony John but he seemed comfortable in that situation. He lived with Kelly’s boyfriend, so if he was doing this everywhere, Kelly was being exposed anyway.
Looking back, I probably should have spoken up about how uncomfortable I was, and that eating indoors was a breach in my roommate norms with Kelly. But my people-pleasing tendencies and crave for freedom kept me silent. By God’s grace, Kelly is still healthy and alive, and none of us have COVID.
There’s a lot more to my COVID experience that this, but these are my biggest confessions. There are no decisions that I massively regret, but here I am, almost two weeks home in California, and I tested negative for COVID. It is possible to take a few risks and still be safe. I know that’s up for debate.
I vividly remember the first time I ate indoors. I was with Tony John and another Cru staff, who had helped move several wooden dressers from one third floor apartment to another. We took a break and went to Bolay, a local fusion fast food place. I thought we were just taking it to go and eating at the apartments, but we stayed to eat instead. I was thrown off. Red flags flashed in my mind because I was still living with Kelly. Eating indoors was something we agreed was risky and something we would avoid. There were two other parties in the restaurant with their masks off (because they were eating), and I didn’t really know this other staff too well. What if I breathe in their air? Will I get COVID? I nervously glanced at Tony John but he seemed comfortable in that situation. He lived with Kelly’s boyfriend, so if he was doing this everywhere, Kelly was being exposed anyway.
Looking back, I probably should have spoken up about how uncomfortable I was, and that eating indoors was a breach in my roommate norms with Kelly. But my people-pleasing tendencies and crave for freedom kept me silent. By God’s grace, Kelly is still healthy and alive, and none of us have COVID.
There’s a lot more to my COVID experience that this, but these are my biggest confessions. There are no decisions that I massively regret, but here I am, almost two weeks home in California, and I tested negative for COVID. It is possible to take a few risks and still be safe. I know that’s up for debate.
